Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

OTHER: Is This Depression?
Letter #: 374911
Category: Other

Original Letter

Hey I was just wanted to ask some help if im depressed or not.

James/Male/14

Most days when i get offered to go places i have a instinct to not go, used to go gym alot now i dont have the energy to get up in the morning to go. I used to be alot more confident than i am now and im 50% of the time silent or close to and 50% the joker. Some of my friends i used to be so close to started doing s**t that i didn't want to get involved in e.g.Bunking school, selling weed, and just not doing school work.

I went my seperate way but i always miss them and whenever i see them in school every now and then it f***s me up like im alright with most of them but we would never meet outside or anything. Recently the friends i moved over to i've known aswell for about a year less then my other friends and at first it was alright we'd meet up on weekends, have fun but now i dont meet up with them and im good mates with them at school but idk how to bring it up to them.

My love life is a wreck, before i started to get depressed i talked to loads of girls had fun and now i barely even talk to them in real life nevermind text. Because now i wouldnt even know what to say.

I constantly think to myself "james its time to go see a therapist" then i later tell myself to stop being a pussy and keep going and when i see support groups and things like that i ALWAYS look down upon the people in them as weak and idk why.

I would so so so appreciate some advice because i feel like im in check mate with so many issues along with my bad diet of too much sugar which is beginning to scare me (btw im not fat though).

Anyway

sincerely James

Elder Response

Well, James, I can't tell whether you're just depressed. It could be you are just experiencing the fits and starts of growing up... with hormones and so forth going a bit wacky. No one can diagnose depression via email! My best advice is to experiment.

Experiment with healthy basics that won't mess you up more than you already feel messed up. Understand that sometimes, I'm really convinced it's all the time, it takes getting all the right pieces lined up properly. In other words, it might take time, effort, and determination to make the pieces fit. When even one piece is a little out of line, like one rail on a train track, things just don't run correctly. Here are suggestions:

Healthy Eating - Since you know your sugar consumption is extreme, start there. Exchange sugary foods for healthier ones. (Consider this a gradual process of slowly deleting and then adding better food. Sugar can affect your mood negatively... making you feel jumpy or depressed or lethargic. You might need to enlist your food buyer's help on this. You need to have better snacks to reach for when you're hungry. You might want to ask to go along to the food-store in order to read the labels.
Healthy Exercise - I found that not giving myself the choice about whether to go to the gym worked. I just got dressed and showed up. Showing up is a good part of the battle. Once you're there you tend to exercise... and afterwards you feel good about doing it! Exercise helps improve your mood, give your mind some time off, help balance body chemicals, and make you feel stronger and more able.
Healthy Sleep - Sleep isn't time wasted. While you sleep both your body and your mind regroups. Your body gets rid of toxins and your mind puts thoughts in order. (People who don't sleep wind up with jumbled illogical thoughts.)
Healthy Socialization - Humans need social stimulation... time spent with others. While you're smart to avoid former friends who have fallen off the rails experimenting with drugs or alcohol or skipping school or not doing their schoolwork, you do need some friends. You might try getting some socialization by joining a club or sport. (James, you'll want to be able to list the things you participated in on school or job applications.)
Healthy Thoughts - You are thinking some things that you're questioning. Good. Like you think anyone who joins a support group or sees a therapist must be weak or like you need to be able to text for hours in order to attract or keep a girl. These two thoughts are wayward and self-defeating. They keep you from acting in your own best interests. Your thoughts are just your thoughts. They do NOT come from some all-knowing outer source. They come from your own brain... based on all your experiences... your thoughts can be wrong or stupid. It happens. It is important that you examine your thoughts and toss out the ones that are untrue or don't serve you well.
More Healthy Thoughts - Because the thoughts you allow yourself to think are so powerful, I'll emphasize them even more. Spend time each day being grateful for what you have. Spend time each day patting yourself on the back for efforts you made the previous day... even if the effort didn't pay off... figure out why the effort fell flat... and try it differently the next day. Positive thoughts will get you positive progress.

If these things don't work, James, start by talking to experts around you. If there is a school counselor or a family doctor you have access to, talk to them.

Try talking, too, to sturdy adults around you. At 14 you don't think like an adult, your brain doesn't reason or problem-solve or see consequences as well as the brain of someone 25 years old or older. Use adults to guide you as you grow up.

I hope my perspective helps you. If not, then get therapy... and know it doesn't mean you're weak or crazy. Growing up is hard to do and you're right in the midst of growing up! Thank you for writing. Write again anytime, James.

Best Regards,

PicklesMarie

Give feedback on this letter