Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™
SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Adjusting to Life in Another Country Original Letter I came to United States three years ago to learn design. I was not prepared to face so many challenges and became anti-social, and I didn't have the confidence to speak English. It's a vicious circle. It was hard for me to make friends with others, I ended up escaping from that city to San Francisco. Now I want to face it, I feel I really need to communicate with others, and don't feel I am wasting others' time. I feel I have really different personality when I speak English. But I don't want go back to my country, I don't want this to be a shadow over me. Now I am looking for full-time jobs here but got panic during my interviews, and I feel things get even worse with my English speaking problem. I just can't a life here. Now I am thinking of applying to a English program to help me. I have ESL program, and I have passed that. I feel I can't get a life here. Elder Response I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this position. You are very brave to: 1. Move to a new country. 2. Learn a different language. 3. Study design in a different language. 4. Apply for jobs in a different language. And to do it all my yourself! Congratulations! Before you give up, see if you can find others in the San Francisco area who come from your country. When I was young I lived in San Francisco and there were small communities of people from China, Russia, England, Japan, etc. I think it would really help a lot if you could find support from others who have done what you are trying to do. Perhaps these contacts could help you find a job. If you can't find a community from your country, please try to find a group of people who have studied design or share another interest you have. No human can survive all alone. We are social animals. You need contact with others. You cannot continue to do it all by yourself. To ease the pressure on yourself, perhaps you could give yourself six more months to find work and plan to return home if you haven't found a job. If you really can't get a life in San Francisco, you need to go to a place where you can get a life. I don't see a "shadow" hanging over you if you return home. You had a great adventure! You experienced another country! You successfully completed a design program! You are NOT a failure in any way. Please change the way you talk to yourself. You can be happy. You can connect to others. You can have a successful life. You are a person of great courage and determination. You are a hard worker. These are the messages that need to replace the old negative ones. I hope this helps. If you have more questions, please write again. I wish you the very best of luck! Best Regards, Gma-GG |
