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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

SELF-IMPROVEMENT: How to Balance My Job, My Kids, and My Dreams
Letter #: 376224
Category: Career

Original Letter

hi there. i probaly sound silly saying this but saying it by email is easier then face to face. im soon to be 30 and i feel like im stuck in a rutt and dont know if its sort of like a mid life crisis? all i do is work and its minium wage. i work in a pub so work all the hours and i have 2 children 4 and 7 so have 2 school runs to do and fit around work, a fiance who i see when i can and we live together. hes also kids dad. im trying to do the house wifey jobs, be a mum and work - im struggling and getting more in debt. bf hates me working, wants me to be a house wife and he pay me my wages but i dont want to give up work as i enjoy it - not nessercially the job but being out earning my money. im losing preciuos time with my kids with this job but dont know what else i can do. i used to work with children but cant anymore because of a violent relationship in past. all ive done is childcare and pub and dont know what i can do to better my life. dont want to go to a supermarket even tho they pay more. i want a proper job if makes sence. one i can be proud of or work towards. i have gcses and college qualifications. really need guidance. was thinking social services or that area where i can work hard hekp others and be around people but can work around spending time with my children and boyfriend x

Elder Response

Thank you for your email. I think it's wonderful that your fiance is willing to support you so that you can be a mother to your children at this critical time in their life. From my place at the other end of the spectrum, I offer this advice.

Raising healthy, emotionally strong and courageous children is the most important job we have and one that is often neglected in our desire for our own self-fulfillment. I was totally guilty of this and regret it immensely. I finally figured it out with my youngest, but my two older children got short-changed because I didn't have anyone offering to help me and I got too caught up in earning money to even see what they were lacking. I hope you can learn from my mistake. Your greatest social service work will be raising your children well.

This doesn't mean you can't continue to build your skills so that when the children are grown, you have the tools you need to have a really rewarding career. My suggestion to you is to accept the financial support your fiance is offering and take a class in the area you'd like to work in or do some part-time volunteering or even a part-time job in the field that you want to gain experience in. Slowly build your skills while the children are growing up but put your family first. You only get one chance to do it right.

Steftay, being a parent can be really fun....especially when you aren't exhausted from trying to do a bunch of other jobs. Being a mom is a full-time job; being a wife is a full-time job.  You throw another full-time job in there....it's just too much! I know it's great having your own money to spend; maybe there's something you can do from home to earn some money for yourself.

I wish you all the best and would love to hear from you again about how things are working out for you.


Best Regards,



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