Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™
FAMILY: Aunt Keeping Us Away from Grandfather Original Letter Hello and thank you for taking time out to give me adivce. My grandfather has early signs of demencia. It comes and goes and have been happening for a year of two. It got really bad back in 2014 when we just left his apartment and walked off and everyone painced to find him. After that he went to live with my aunt who out of all his childern is more able to take care of him and look after him (cause my mom needs someone to look after her and is not able to do so). Everything was going fine but my aunt has a nasty temper and just cause my mom didn't teller her she was moving has changed her number and will not allow my mother to visit her father. She won't even allow my grandfather to use the phone to call. She prides herself on being a christian, but this does not sound right. So I guess my advice is, can she do this? I have been thinking about randomly visiting and seeing my grandfather (and take him to see my mom) as well as getting him a cell so he won't have to use her house phone. Can she have me kicked off her property if I do this? Plus I am scared of what she will do next if I do any of that. I don't know what to do. I can see it is hurting my mom, sister and my niece and nephew. Elder Response I am so sorry you are struggling with this, Annie. The best solution would be if you can somehow make peace with your Aunt so that you can visit your grandfather regularly. You can just drop in, of course, but if you get him a cell phone all she has to do is take it away from him. Technically, she can have anyone kicked off of her property. It's hers, so she has the right to say who can be there. If you refuse to leave however, she would have to call the police or the sheriff and there would be a lot of drama and explaining to do. I don't know if she would go that far, but as long as you leave when the authorities ask you to you probably won't get into any legal trouble. If you can't make peace with your Aunt, you can call Adult Protective Services and ask them to do an elder welfare check. They will call and talk to your grandfather or more likely, they will pay a visit to the house to check on him. Unfortunately, since no one is allowed to talk to him or visit him, you really don't know if he's OK and being cared for properly. Does your Aunt have guardianship over him? If he is still in control of his own affairs and finances, he is really the person who needs to tell your Aunt he wants to see other family members. But unless someone can explain what's going on, he may think that none of you care about him. Once again, if you call the authorities, it won't help to make peace. The best thing to do is start by going over there to visit your grandfather. Don't mention your mom or other family members, just do it for you. Maybe she's not as mad at you. You can even talk to him in front of her. Just don't bring up any controversial issues. Take her a little present, some food or some flowers. At least if you can gain her trust and come and go when you like, you will be able to put your mother's mind at ease. Whatever you decide, Annie, don't ignore the situation until you are satisfied that your grandfather is well and happy. Good luck, dear, please write again if we can help. Best Regards, Grammy-Annie |
