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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FAMILY: My Brother Scares Me
Letter #: 377367
Category: Family

Original Letter

sad  I am 12 years old and my family is very distant from me. I am the only girl in my family, and my brother is 'mentaly disabled'. What i mean by that is that he can see normal to people, but he has ADD and ADHD. He is addicted to girls and their bodies. When we were little he would try to 'wrestle' with me. he is 16. He scares me I cant even have my own room because of him!! He scares me... When he gets mead he gets violent what should i do? I have an agency working with me about this but I am afraid to tell them anything. Help!frown

Elder Response

For a 12-year-old, Ann, you write amazingly clearly and well. You obviously have talent, and I hope that, as you move through your education and into a career, you take advantage of this gift!

I'm very sorry that you are dealing with such a difficult and disturbing problem. Home should be the place where you feel safe and comfortable, not somewhere that you have to be afraid of things.

You say that you are working with an agency, but that you're afraid to tell them anything. You need to change that. I don't know what you're afraid of, but it can't be worse than what you have now. The whole purpose of working with an agency is to keep you safe and well, and they can't do their job if they don't know what's going on. So do, please, open up with them and tell them what is happening, what you fear from your brother, and why you feel that way.

If your parents are "distant," it may be that they are preoccupied with how to deal with your brother. Often, in families with a disabled child, the "healthy" one gets neglected because the other one demands so much attention. If that's what is going on, you need to ask them for a chance to sit down together, without your brother, and talk to them about your needs. Most especially, you need a place in the home that is yours, that nobody else can invade. Your comment about not having a room of your own bothers me -- you should not be sharing a bedroom with your brother, and I truly hope that's not the case.

The most important thing in your life right now, Ann, is keeping yourself safe. If talking with your parents, and opening up to the agency people, doesn't result in some changes, then you must find some other adult to help you: your family doctor, a school counselor, even the parent of a friend. No 12-year-old is equipped to handle this kind of situation on her own, and you shouldn't be trying to do so.

I'm glad you wrote to us, and I want you to write back and let me know what is being done to change your situation. I'm going to be thinking of you, and watching for your letter. I truly care about you, and want you to be safe and comfortable -- and I won't be comfortable until I know things are getting better for you! So do keep me posted.

Best Regards,

GranJan


    

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