Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™
SELF-IMPROVEMENT: I Want to Be Happy
I don't know where to start but all I can say is that I'm not happy. My life consists of a everyday routine, get up early and get ready for school, come home and stay in my room all day... Eat like its the only friends I have. I'm trying my hardest to make it seem like I'm okay but it's always on my mind.. I'm getting tired of doing the same thing everyday and not having anyone to talk to. I don't have many friends, the friends I have have their own life's and other friends.. I have a close friend her name is Aimee, we've been close friends since 6th grade and now we consider eachother sisters, lately she's been doing her own thing & separating herself from me .. I get jelous but I try not to show it... ever since middle I found myself in a position where I don't open up to anyone or even care to. Deep down inside I do want more friends but I'm shy and created this stuck up bitch personality to protect myself.. School is almost out and I don't want to continue being unhappy in the summer.. Any suggestions? I want to find myself, be happy & not depend on anyone. I honestly don't know what's left to do..
So sorry, you're feeling this way, Yesinia, it sounds as if things are in a kind of muck and mire that you can't navigate your way through. I'll try to discuss the various issues and make some suggestions - see if any of them make sense.
I'm hearing that you are trapped in routines and loneliness that seems like a cage. I don't know what your home life is like and what kind of relationship you have with your parents or siblings, but sometimes it IS better to at least try to open up to someone you feel comfortable with (if anyone). Often they'll react better than you think without major judgements or dismissal of your feelings. It's hard to keep things in all the time!
Just by the fact that you're in school - there IS a certain routine to every day and I can totally understand how that can be boring and put you in a rut. Even if you were older and working - that could still be the case. Are there any types of activities you enjoy and would have time for? If you like sports, it could be that - but there are always book clubs, volunteering (which I've found is a GREAT way to meet people, expand your horizons so to speak, and learn - all while giving back), or clubs and groups either in or outside of school. I was always more comfortable finding activities not affiliated with my school - as I was very shy, had terrible self-esteem, and when I had things to do on the outside, it felt as though I had a life away from the people and routine of school every day.
I agree that you need to be independent - it's a great quality to have, but not at the exclusion of friends and people to share with. No one gets through life alone - and isolation, while at times for short periods may be good to clear your head, in the long run it's not a good place to stay.
If you really are worried and sad, it's might be helpful to speak to a counselor or therapist. Perhaps there's a guidance counselor at school you could confide in, who might refer you to a therapist. I don't know if your parents would be in a position of finding you someone to talk to, but it's a possibility if your unhappiness goes on for too long.
Regarding your friend Aimee, it's often hard when you feel a certain separation from a best friend. Sometimes lives just go in different directions as we age - doesn't mean she doesn't still care a lot for you - but she may also be pursuing activities and interests to add to her life. Maybe you could join her in some of them..
This summer - see if you can find other interests and 'try them on' while you have the time. Some you'll like, some you won't...but you'd be amazed at simply being open to new ideas can lead to wonderful paths you never thought possible.
Please don't give up - there's so much to live for and so many new avenues to go down. Good luck and have FUN this summer!