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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Tired of Being the Nice Girl
Letter #: 380508
Category: Self-Improvement

Original Letter


I'm Writing because I'm fed up of not being noticed by anyone even my 'friends' and I always end up getting called the wrong name which bothers me a lot. I know you probably get tons of these from shy teenagers but I just can't stand it anymore. My problem is I'm 'too nice' I know it isn't a bad label or anything but I wish I could be known as something other than 'the nice one' and stand up for myself more. 

It never used to bother me in fact I was quite proud of the label as I'm a kind person and love helping others. But now it seems like such a boring thing to be and as I don't have a lot of self confidence it's hard putting myself out there. Last night I was at a party and I was the only sober one there because I don't like to drink and also had to look after the place we were staying, and it was funny until I realised I was practically babysitting everyone which was fine but annoying I felt like I was being boring. 

But its not just at parties it's everywhere. I feel like I'm not rememerble enough and I keep telling myself that it will change when I get to Univeristy and as I get older but what if it's the same thing for the rest of my life and that's how people will refer to me as. I know I'm being paranoid but I wish I could just break the nice label I'm so sick of. I am also very quiet and am not noticed half the time as I struggle being loud in voice and as whole. 

I know there is no way to fix any of this and I'm just being a paranoid teenager but it would be really nice to gain some advice for my issue maybe so I won't be as paranoid or annoyed? 

Elder Response

When I read your letter, Katie I had the experience of wondering if you were actually me 50 years ago.  It felt like a flashback.  I could have written exactly what you did, so I felt compelled to address your concerns. You're already ahead of the game because it took me longer to ask for help and learn the lessons I'm imparting to you.

Let's start with the facts.  THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.  Repeat after me...  I never drank or took drugs (still don't) and I was always in the position of being a designated driver, semi baby-sitter, and the one every could depend on.  I emphasize the last phrase.  Everyone could depend on me - and chances are they can depend on you.  That may not seem so exciting a quality to have right now but, trust me, as you get older - you'll be the one making the good decisions and having your life together while many of them get in trouble in all sorts of ways.

I've had friends that were considered very 'exciting' and even dated rock stars!  I never did, I was the 'pretty girl's best friend'.  But as time went on - I had my life far more together, even kept my weight down while they started getting heavy because I was organized and exercised and didn't drink.  I know these seem like small details but they matter.  

What I WILL suggest is that when you get to college, start hanging with people who are positive and bring you UP.  Join groups or activities or volunteer in areas that interest you.  If you're feeling good about what you're doing that will show in your face.  My life completely changed when I got involved because the folks I was involved with were more interesting and so was I, because I had more to talk about and contribute.  You will be memorable and important because of what you bring to the table.  No, not all of us can be outstanding beauties or have the most extroverted party personality.  Those things are nice to have but as time goes on....that isn't memorable.  You'll make yourself outstanding with the way you to contribute, with your mind and allowing your self-respect and respect for others come through.  Honestly, you may think I'm reciting cliches but they're not.  It hasn't failed me and it won't fail you.  Feel better - know things will work out if you just realize all you have and can give...let the niceness come through - along with the commitment to doing for others and always looking to improve your mind - and keeping your body healthy.  

Good luck and here's to your great future.

Best Regards,



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