Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™
MARRIAGE: Attracted to Another Man
I met this guy in our college class. We are both married and have many things in common; like hating our class and having our own sense of humor. Well long story short we became close after being lab partners and continued our friendship after class ended. We would talk daily and then things took a turn. We always flirted without really noticing until one night we were texting and we started to really talk. Really talk. And flirt so we both knew we liked each other. We are both unhappy in our marriages and our conversations became intense. We ended our conversations for 2 weeks when suddenly this past Monday we ended up being in the same class again. I tried to avoid him and act like I was trying to get over him and be faithful to my husband. Well, we are back to flirting in class. It's like we are in high school. I can't get him out of my head. What do I do? We are partners again because he made it so I was his partner in our project so it's not like I can't talk to him. Do I tell him I still like him? Do I tell him to back off? I can't get him out of my mind.
Oh, it's so fascinating to be feeling like we're falling! So nice, also, to be attracted, and to feel that we're attractive to someone new.
But we might be better off in the long term, if we: 1) did whatever was necessary to put definite walls between ourselves and the new person; and, 2) worked intensively (including counseling) on improving the communication and conditions of our present marriage.
It seems to me that the time and situation for starting a new relationship is after we have spent all the time,and emotional energy and money necessary to do all that we can to refresh and renew our marriage, and nothing has worked. Not until then. That's my advice.
I'm glad you reached out to us at EWC, and I hope these thoughts have been helpful.