Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™
SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Anxiety Is Holding Me Back
Hi, my name is Bennett and lately... I've been feeling really down lately.. I've been depressed and frustrated.. To the point of wanting to scream. I don't know why really.. I've been avoiding my ex-fiance who was abusive to me for 3 years, I've been frustrated because I have had no luck finding a place for myself.. Just a lot of stuff.. I've been looking for an apartment since I practically was rushed out.. Forced out of my home By him. I'm still torn apart by that.. People tell me to get over it... You don't get over 3 years of abuse... I have a panic attack whenever I just think about it.. But there's no recovery without pain.. Right? I'm rambling.. I know.. But I just want this stupid fear to go away.. This stupid anxiety that got worse because of him and I am trying! I am trying so hard everyday... And it's just tearing me up inside.. I regularly have nightmares they don't really phase me anymore.. Just wake up empty.. Not surprised when an apartment complex calls me and denies me.. This is my third time being homeless.. I'm couch surfing.. I work, I walk, bike, or ride the bus there and back.. Wish.. Wish I could do better.. Like my sister and brothers... My sister lives with her husband and three kids, yes with my mom too, but they all have a house together... My second brother has a wife and two kids in his own apartment... And my eldest brother has a loving girlfriend and he lives with roommates he knows he can trust and has a successful job.. They all have cars and places to call home.. what do I got? Just a bike and a job. I.. I just want to make them proud.. Make my mom proud..
Three years of abuse is something that no one would "get over" quickly or easily, Bennett. If you can, turn to your family for support. Hopefully, they can help you get a place to live until you're able to move forward on your own.
I strongly advise you get a full medical checkup. Tell the doctor or other health care professional about the trauma you're experiencing. Then, you can get guidance for getting the right help.
Although you wish you were in the kind of family situation your sister and brothers have, none of it comes easily. In a way, you are starting your life over.
The good news is that you have a job. Taking things one day at a time and developing a positive outlook is what you'll want to achieve. Leaving the past behind is hard to do, but you can do it with the proper guidance and support.
I wish you the best.