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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FAMILY: Worried family won't accept me because I'm gay
Letter #: 383602
Category: Family

Original Letter

I'll start by saying i am a gay man. Its hard being like this and having others unable to understand, and treat me as if i made this choice. I was getting comfortable with who i am, and wanted to come out in order to openly see someone.. But then i heard my father say "a man with a man is the most disgusting thing i have ever seen". How can i live a lie, and have them believe i am someone else? But also how can i come out when i now know that they look at people like me with disgust. Its a horrible feeling, and so conflicting because i want to be myself, yet i feel like that privilege has been ripped away from me.I am honestly lost, i feel like i have nobody there for me.

Elder Response

     David, you are not alone in facing this problem. Our parents are the people we most want to accept and love us, and it can be vey difficult to tell them you are not who they think you are. But mosty people feel better when they come out to their parents.

    I have not had  real experience in this area, but have a number of gay friends who have gone through this and it has to be faced sooner or later. There are support groups who can help with advice on opening up to your family and loved ones, and informational sources which can help you educate your loved ones to  the true issue.

     I really believe that most people who are anti- gay are just afraid of what they don't know. Some may have fears thay they could be gay, some just learned this fear from their parent's and communities, and some just want everything to be non-controversial. Almost all of the people i have known to be anti-gay have changed their view when they got to know someone who was openly gay, esecially if it was a loved one. Hopefully, it will be this way with your family. Feeling loved for who you truly are can be so life changing!

     I am going to refer you to some sites which may help with your timing and decision making. Just remember, that you are who you are, and they are who they are, and if they really cannot accept you, the biggest loss will be theirs. At least you will have self-acceptance and be able to find others to support you emotionally. Good luck..

~~PFLAG (for LGBTQ people and their parents, friends and families)

http://community.pflag.org

~~GLBT National Youth Talkline (for youth up to age 25)

http://www.glbthotline.org/youth-talkline.html

1-800-246-7743

Best Regards,

Tutu-Debbie


    

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