Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™
DATING/RELATIONSHIP: In Love with a Girl Who Has a Boyfriend Original Letter Okay so I just graduated from high school and there is a girl that I am comletely in love with. well, she doesn't know that lol but anyways, she has a boyfriend... and the reason why I say i just graduated but my senior year I had her in a study hall and we just clicked. My friends that say with us would always say we would flirt because, we just clicked so well and always do harmless flirting. She's even had me and her snapchat and Other social media... And she does a lot of flirting and she always wants to hang out but she lives in a town about 45 minutes from where I stay. and this is all recent and I just don't know if I should address my feelings to her knowing she has a boyfriend (who absolutely hates me.) And she takes in mind she knows I have a very (crazy) lifestyle that im sure she doesn't like but still hangs around with me and my friends. she accepts me and I just think it's too soon to bring up anything right now or wait a tab bit longer.. aaand just these past weeks shes been flirting with me a ton!! Elder Response It is such a rush to have a crush on someone. It is a charged experience that is like no other. But it seems like there are obstacles on the path to any kind of relationship with this girl. Let’s look at the facts and come up with a way forward for you. This girl has a boyfriend, Richie, and despite all the flirting she is throwing your way, his presence in her life is something that you must respect - even if she doesn't. What if the tables were turned? What if you had a girlfriend who was flirting with other guys? How would you feel about it? Hurt and angry, I would guess. For as long as she is seeing this guy, I suggest that you keep your distance from her. Wanting something you can’t have can be strangely exciting at first, but the longer it goes on all that excitement turns to frustration. Maybe you have already reached that point. In any case I suggest that no, you should not reveal your feelings for her. It would be inappropriate. There's no place to put them. If this girl isn’t happy in her relationship with this guy, then it’s up to her to cut the cord and pursue other guys. Right now she’s enjoying the best of both worlds, being in a relationship and flirting as if it the relationship didn’t exist. Great for her, bad for her boyfriend, and frustrating to those she flirts with. Not exactly a pretty picture. Until she makes a decision one way or another about her boyfriend, you might want to consider pointing your affections in another direction. Special as she might be to you, I'm sure there are plenty of other girls out there who aren’t confined by current relationships (or a 45 minute commute). It pays to use both our heads and our hearts when making decisions that affect our happiness, Richie. Here’s hoping that you initiate that discussion with yourself and come up with a decision that feels good and makes sense at the same time.
Best Regards, Joseph |
