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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Boyfriend Doesn't Want to Connect on Social Media
Letter #: 383957
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

I have been knowing this guy for a little over 3 years. 3 months ago he finally said that we were in a relationship. 2 years ago we were friends on a social media website. While friends on this site a friend of his which is a female made a comment that was directed towards me so i responded back. he say that i started it and he deleted me from his page on this social media site but did not delete tbe other female or any other female. Now that we are in a relationship and working on trust, he still will not allow me to be a friend on this site. He says it is to protect our relationship. My question is, should i be worried about infidelity? Is is hiding something from me or am i being insecure? He knows that i have trust issues though. And he has a problem with being in tbe streets and not coming home to me until 3 or 4 in the morning.

Elder Response

This is a difficult situation where two people who apparently care about each other are unable to be direct about what is happening.

His behavior raises red flags.  It does not make sense that he would keep his girlfriend off social media.  The fact he is out late without explanation is also not a good sign.  It would seem he owes you some better explanation for each of these behaviors.  

Tee, for your part, it is not a good sign that you are unable to ask him about what is going on, and persist until you get your questions resolved.  

Bottom line, there would appear to be a rather pervasive lack of trust.  And without trust, your relationship is not likely to be long-lasting or fulfilling,  

Speaking of trust.  I think you would be well served to trust yourself when it comes to the future of this relationship.  You know this isn’t working for you, AND you know this isn’t just some sort of insecurity on your part. There’s a big difference between being insecure and, as you put it, “having trust issues,” and being treated badly.  

You may want to confront him directly, but that would likely not get very far, given the patterns of the relationship.  But you do not have much to lose if you wanted to give it a try..  But overall I can't see much if any of a future with this guy.

You should set your sights on someone who will be proud of you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.  There are millions of great single guys out there.  You only need to find one.

Good luck in all this.  Please feel free to write back if needed.

Best Regards,



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