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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FAMILY: Help Mom or Pursue College and Work?
Letter #: 384153
Category: Family

Original Letter

Hello. I'm feeling conflicted about where i want to be right now. I have come to the US for college and to work, I have been here about 5 months, I currently live with my father and grandmother, I have grown quite attached to where I am now, but now I want to go back to live with my mother in Thailand, she has drinking problems and I am quite worried, I also enjoy the simple life in Thailand but there are not many job opportunities over there. I have yet to talk to anyone about this because I don't want to cause any bad feelings. Thank you.

Elder Response

It appears that you have a lot on your plate right now. It would be wise on your part to sit down with your dad and your grandmother and discuss your feelings with them, but first do your best to evaluate where your confusion comes from.

It appears that you are happy to be here for your college and work... that you have said. However, when you speak of going back to Thailand your first emotion is clearly one of worry over your mom and her drinking. Take time to really look at how your life would be if you go back. First, despite your wanting to help your mom, the decision to stop drinking is entirely your mom's... and you really won't have any control over her addiction. You may love her and want her to stop the drinking, but nothing you could do personally would make her stop. She should seek help from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) on her own if she really wants to and is ready to stop her drinking. Surely you love her and want to help, but there is a point when you have to move forward to make the best of your life and it sounds like being here, working and going to school is likely the best venture for you.

When you look at it... you are probably lonesome for Mom and home... as anyone would be. But you must weigh the alternatives and then make your best decision. This is, of course, a major decision and as I stated at the beginning, you would be better off talking this over with your dad and grandmother... I am sure they will give you the loving guidance and input that you are looking for.

Ultimately, the decision will be yours... but you are at that beginning of your adult like, attending school and learning to live in a new culture... all good things that will build your future and give you goals. I suggest you move forward with your journey here and continue to hold your mother and your homeland in your heart and your good thoughts and stay connected while remaining here. I am sure you will make the best decision your life... you appear to be level headed and bright. Move forward and think positive... good things will surely come your way if you do so.

I am sure you will make the right decision.

Best Regards,



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