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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

Letter #: 384742
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

Me and my girlfriend have been threw a lot. was on drugs lost our kids and both have been abusive with each other, we have been clean for a five months now but she is scared of me, and has every right to be. but it just bothers me when she want let me hold her or don't want me to touch her. and if I do she try to say that I'm holding her down and all I'm trying to do is get her to see that I have changed and she don't have to be scared! I'm scared that I will never get her trust back

Elder Response

It takes a lot to re-establish trust: it takes time, Michael.  Because of the abusive relationship, know that you have to tread carefully.

I would suggest you keep on reassuring her that you love her. Since actions speak louder than  words, try to do little things for her. (like help out with chores, taking her to a movie, etc.).

Tenderness is what is needed. Tell her that when it comes to physical closeness, suggest that when she is ready, she should make the first move. Since she is so afraid, I would recommend that you gently approach her for just cuddling. Let her be the one in charge.

A wounded relationship can be healed, but it will require time and patience. It'll be worth it.  

I hope this works out for the two of you.

Best Regards,



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