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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FRIENDSHIP: Does my friend care?
Letter #: 388531
Category: Friendship

Original Letter

My best friend and I have been best friends for five years and have known eachother for fourteen. I moved away four years ago but now I'm back. I would come visit three times a year and we would always hang out during these times. When I came back for Christmas I would have a present for her but I don't recall her ever having one for me. Now that I'm back we have hung out a few times but I am always the one to initiate it even though she knows my schedule. She's never been goood at initiating hanging out, or texting me or calling or anything though so I don't now if I should take it personally. Last weekened was her birthday and I bought her nice gifts and spent the day with her. It came up that she didnt know my birthday and was guessing completley wrong. I just feel like she doesnt care about me as much as I care about her. Am I just being petty or is this indicative of her true feelings for me? 

Elder Response

I read your letter several times. Let me see if I can help.

From what you write, it seems to me that you have been doing most (if not all) of the work in the relationship. For example:

1. You bring her presents, but she doesn't give you presents.

2. You always have to initiate the contact.

3. She doesn't text or call you.

Some people don't make good friends because they are only interested in what the friend can do for them. In other words, they are looking for people to be interested in them, but they don't return the interest.

It's likely that you started to notice this more once you moved back. One way you could test her interest in you is to NOT initiate any contact and see what happens. The best friendships are between people who care for each other. No one likes to be taken advantage of. So I'd say if you don't hear from her, you will have your answer.

I hope this helped and I wish you the very best of luck!

Best Regards,



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