Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™
FAMILY: Sister-In-Law Is Horrible, Must I Attend Her Funeral?
Dear Elders: My brother married the greediest, most savagely ill-mannered female. In my observation, he has been emasculated by this woman and spends his money as fast as it comes in. On top of that, she has had two schemes to corner a family inheritance which is tied up in real estate. These schemes have been foiled. Now, she has been diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. Do I attend her funeral, given my feelings are thus. I do not want to as, in addition, she treated our mother rudely. I have another sibling who can represent the family when such a time arises. This woman wouldn't attend my funeral, I'm sure of that. They live out of town, hasn't visited us in 9 years. Would I be a horrible person for not attending?
These types of matters are so unpleasant, Lisa, and I totally get your feelings. And, knowing what I do about what people can do to each other... I completely believe you. Here's what I think. If your brother (the one married to the awful creature) feels he needs you there, than go. Your loyalty is to HIM and not to her - you owe her nothing. But, if your brother needs support I'd try to go. If you are not at all close wtih him, and don't think your brother would care, then I think it's fine to have your other sibling represent the family. It especially bothers me that the awful woman treated your mother badly too. The oldest question in the world is "why" are some people attracted to who they are attracted to, but that's an entirely different discussion.
When the time comes, see what's going on. If your brother feels he needs you, then go...if not then have your other sibling go. Whatever happens YOU will not be horrible for not attending. Maybe others would see it differently, but I feel what we do when we're on earth to each other is so much more important than our actions when someone's gone. Good luck.