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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Not Even Sure If He's Still Alive...
Letter #: 390396
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

So I am in completely in love with this amazing man. However, our relationship is sort of complicated because he's older than me, he lives in another country and our only way of communicating is through social media. I don't mind however, I love him to bits. He's such a sweet heart and the most honest man I've ever met. But he hasn't been online in 2 months. I have no idea why. Last time that happened was when he didn't have a phone. He has an iPhone now so I doubt that's the reason. I'm so worried about him. I keep crying and having mental breakdowns because of it. I have no idea if he's alive, if he's okay but has no way of communication or if he's ignoring him. All I know is that I miss and love him so much. I don't know what to think. What do you think happened to him?

Elder Response

It's unclear from your letter, Marna, whether you have ever met this man in person. If not, then I want to caution you about continuing a relationship with him. There are many scammers on social media who just look for young women to exploit in any number of ways, so if you have never met him in person, never met his friends and family in person, and if your friends and family haven't met him in person, then I think you would do well to just allow your relationship with him to die a natural death.

There are a lot of dangers for young women in "long-distance on-line relationships". Some young women are being groomed over time so they can be lured into sexual slavery ... yes, actual sexual slavery, where they take a trip to meet the man and are never heard from again. Some young women are exploited financially. Having this kind of connection can just really turn out to the the biggest mistake of your life, one that you won't ever be able to recover from.

So, if he's gone, let him be gone. Sometimes after one of these scammers is absent for awhile, they claim to have been in the hospital, and now need lots of money to pay the bill. Don't send him any money. Don't accept any money from him.

I want to encourage you to seek a more wholesome, in person relationship with someone who is closer in age to you - perhaps at school or work. Older men seek out young women on-line because they have some nefarious evil intention. A young woman is not the intellectual equal of an older man. There's a reason those men aren't seeking out partners who are more appropriate in age. It's because they can manipulate younger women whereas more mature women usually are less vulnerable.

I encourage you to explore your interests in 3 dimensional real life where other people turn up and start some friendships with young men and women who you can get to know over time and in person. If you do decide to use a website, then please only use it to find local young men who have an interest meeting you (at a neutral location, perhaps for coffee) relatively soon - who don't keep the on-line relationship going too long.

Relationships happen in person, loving, lasting relationships happen in person, not on-line, not over the phone. So please turn your sights towards finding a more age appropriate, geographically suitable partner. 

I hope this helps, Marna. I wish you all the best. Please tell your friends about our service.

Best Regards,



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