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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Worried My Flirting Broke Our Trust
Letter #: 390616
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

Hello. I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 5 years, and i have broken her trust. I went out on Saturday with friends and these girls sat with us briefly and i rubbed her lower leg in a suggestive manner, and immediately regretted doing so after. This girl grabbed my hand and held it but i let go after so thinking "what am i doing". I did not lead this girl on in any way nor did i do anything else to suggest any action, but i feel sick to the stomach and have confessed to my gf who most likely thinks i am a cheat. I get these anxious feelings of guilt whenever another girl may approach me or even flirt and of course i may flirt back but i would never go the full monty with another lady or even induce the idea to her. But i feel the need to tell my gf whenever this does happen. Is this normal. I love her so much, and telling her was probably not the brightest idea but i want to be honest with her. She respects me for that but she is angry. How can i make things up to her?

Elder Response

Dear Gigi,

I do feel your anguish.  That feeling of pain and even shame you have is actually a first step toward resolving the situation.  It certainly helped you to share the truth with your girlfriend.  But you have to examine the situation with another layer of honesty: why did you touch and rub another girl's leg when you have what sounds like a committed relationship?

Do you wish to stay in a "monogamous" and loyal relationship?  Did your flirting with another girl like that reveal some restlessness on your part?  These are questions you might ask yourself.  Chances are the flirtation was innocent and you do really care and want to preserve your love relationship.  But think it through.  Then talk with your girlfriend again.  Tell her, reassure her, that the incident didn't mean anything and you really gave it thought.  Then offer her a thorough apology.  Perhaps present her with some lovely flowers.  That will likely "make up things with her." 

My hope is that this event only serves to strengthen the relationship between you and your girlfriend.

Good luck!

Best Regards,

Grandpa-Benjamin


    

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