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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

Letter #: 392254
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

So I have talked to my boyfriend about my shyness and stuff, all seemed good, but then I started having second thoughts on whether I was happy or not... It just doesn't feel the same.. I liked being able to walk through my school without being stopped by my boyfriend, I liked being able to talk to my friends without him coming over and bothering me, he always intrude on my space, which I really don't like, I liked feeling free, now I just feel captured.. I don't know what's going on, one day I love him.. the next day I'm confused... I never meant to hurt him...I never want to hurt him.. I care about him enough to know that if anything were to happen to him.. I'd not be able to live with myself... I just get uncomfortable.. I don't know whether it's from never having to experience this before or if.. I liked being single.. and I'm just over him... I don't know what to do... please.. help me... fast..

Elder Response

From what you have shared with us, Katie, your desire to return to be single again dictates that you share these desires/feelings with your boyfriend. Why? Because in fact, you will be hurting him by delaying these feelings.  I suspect that he will sooner rather than later sense your reluctance to be in his company exclusively rather than with your friends.

There is nothing wrong with your feelings in this matter as they are natural; to delay your sharing these thoughts with your bf will only make matters worse down the road, so to speak.

Let him know that you care about him very deeply but that at this period of your life you need the freedom to be unattached in order to meet the needs that currently exist in your life.  Let him know specifically that it is not that you are looking for a new bf (guys immediately think that!) but just the freedom to come and go as you please. 

Also, let him know that you want to remain friends even though he may reject the idea immediately but later may definitely reconsider.  Staying close could one day bring you two back together as bf and gf: Who knows, stranger things have happened!

Best Regards,



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