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DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Great First Date, Then She Dumped Me
Letter #: 392935
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

I really like this girl, we had an instant connection and she's the first girl I've felt something for since my first girlfriend. Just before exams we went on a date and it went better than I could have hoped. 1 hour turned into 6 and she didn't want to leave. We had amazing sex and she asked me to show off my cooking with a dinner the week after next to celebrate exams being over. 

THEN the night before we're supposed to see each other, she texts me that it isn't going to work out. I didn't expect it at all. She had been initiating texts, being flirty, lots of compliments and winks. She's in 1st year university and I'm in 3rd. She said she'd been thinking about the age difference and she was worried that she felt so immature and inexperienced. I assured her that didn't matter to me but she told me to call her after she'd grown up a bit. I don't know if she was stressed about her final exam or if her friends had gotten the wrong idea and talked her out of it, but I really fell hard for her and I want to see if I can maybe turn this around, maybe in a month or so. 

What do you think? I'm planning on texting her in a month, ask her out to a nice restaurant (she hates residence food). Any advice would be much appreciated <3

Elder Response

I think this girl has done you a favor, John.  I think she's sending you a message that she's not ready or willing to be in a committed relationship, and I would believe her when she says she's immature.  If she's in her first year at school she may want to be having all sorts of experiences (I DON'T mean sexual) and doesn't want to feel she can't because she is worried about being limited.  I simply think you're not on the same page.  THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU...but I do understand the disappointment, and her enthusiasm led you to believe there was far more going on than there was.  

My feeling is you should let her go and spend your time looking for someone who wants to be in a relationship and is ready and mature enough for it.  I get that you thought you found "the" one, but often this happens that one person wants one thing and the other isn't ready.  When I started college a similar thing happened to me.  I had a date and, while I liked the guy - he was ready to get serious immediately and I simply wasn't at that place at all.  I called him and canceled the second date, because I didn't want to lead him on.

If you feel you must, you can text her in a month but, while it's possible she will accept, it's also possible she won't.  You need to be prepared for either.  

Again - there's nothing wrong with you - it just sounds to me as if she wants her freedom for a while longer, and I can't blame her.  You are fortunate she didn't take advantage of you and stop communication suddenly after a while longer.

You are young and there will be many others....move on and if in the future you meet again, or a month from now if she accepts the invitation to dinner, then great.  But if you're looking to settle down at this point - it's better to either take things more slowly or find out what the other person wants before you set your expectations very high.  Feel better and good luck.

Best Regards,



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