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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FRIENDSHIP: Friendship Since Kindergarten BROKEN!
Letter #: 393444
Category: Friendship

Original Letter

If you are reading this, thank you. I need some expert advice on this friendship I HAD with a friend. We are both 6th graders and we've been friends since around kindergarten. At 6th grade, she changed a lot. She cusses now, dresses differently, and is mean to other people now. Before, she was the complete opposite. I started a group chat with some friends from last year, including her, and she started cussing like crazy! Me and my other guy friend decided to ask why she suddenly started cussing like that. She said she had freedom of speech and she does! I guess some people change. Please be mindful that this friendship has been going since kindergarten. In 4th and 5th grade she met another friend. I was happy for her, not jealous. She introduced me to her and we got along well! We started talking a bunch and I felt like I was leaving out my other friend. So I tried to even the friendships out. Then me and my first friend( the one with The Who was my friend since kindergarten) started to fight! She was always the one who started it. This happened again and again. I was always the one to apologize. Now, she talks smack about me and is mean to me on social media. I've blocked and reported her already. I was just uncomfortable with this sudden change in her personality. Anyway, what should I do?

Elder Response

I’m sorry that you friend has changed so much.   I know how difficult it is to be at odds with a long-time friend whom you care about deeply.  However, there really is nothing you can do, except want the best for her. We can’t control others actions, nor are we responsible for them.  We are only responsible for our own actions and feelings.   Unfortunately, it seems that for now and for whatever reason, your friend is choosing to be mean.  It is important to let go of what you can’t control so that you don’t feel bad.  No matter how bad you feel or how much you care, that won’t help your friend.  You are wise to stay away from her drama and negativity. 

With that said, when I am at odds with a friend, I find it helpful before falling asleep, to send good thoughts their way (in my mind) and to imagine them being happy.   Energy is very real and powerful even though you can’t see it.   You may find that eventually your friend changes.  She may just be going through a phase.  Keep your heart open in case she changes but maintain your distance. 

Frequently when individuals act out in negative ways, they are going through tough times and trying to figure out who they are.   She probably thinks cussing will make her sound tough and cool, same with dressing differently.  Maybe she was jealous of your mutual friend.  It is best just to accept that she has chosen a different path than you.  Don’t get into the weeds by trying to figure it out or change the situation.

Life is too short to spend worrying about those individuals who you no longer easily connect with.   Throughout life, friends come and go as you need them.  The universe seems to know who will best serve you.  Sometimes even brief connections can be meaningful and enrich your life.   Trust the ebb and flow of individuals who cross your path.  You will know those friends that were meant to play a significant role in your life whether it is for a brief time or forever.   Keep a special place in your heart for your friend and treasure the memories.

Kat-Kat, you are a very kind and caring girl.  Do your best to stop worrying about this friend.  You didn’t do anything wrong, and your intentions are good.   I know you are disappointed and hurt but try not to focus on it anymore.   It will just hold you back.  Whatever we focus on gets bigger, whether we like it or not.  Give your attention to those things you want, not to the things that bother you.  Wishing you much happiness, light-heartedness, and wonderful friendships as you move forward.  Sending good thoughts your way.   I am happy to talk with you further if I can help.  

Best Regards,

Ms.Mary


    

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