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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FRIENDSHIP: How can I move on?
Letter #: 393458
Category: Friendship

Original Letter

Hello! I need an advice, of course. So I liked that boy for almost seven years now, and it's not like he doesn't know me. We've been friends for five years, and classmates for four. We were apart of the same group of friends and we've been pretty good pals, but our friendship died. We got to the point where we would just look at each other for a sec and that's all. Before that when we would meet on the street we would be like 'hey' and talk for a few minutes and catch up. Now? I feel like we are two strangers. I don't need advice on how to be friends again with him, or more. I don't want to force a friendship, I just need some advice on how to move on.

Elder Response

Here is my recipe for how to move on:

1. You try to avoid him as much as possible and if you're forced to be in his presence you just say "hi" and leave it at that. It's the "out of sight", "out of mind" approach.

2. You stay busy with your own life. You see your friends and family. You enjoy the activities you like. You could even join a new group or take up a new hobby.

3. You closely monitor what you say to yourself about your life. When you speak to yourself, please be kind and supportive. What we say to ourselves colors our moods and shapes our actions.  I suggest phrases like:

   *It's sad that we can no longer be friends, but it's time for me to move on.

   *Sometimes life hurts, but I'm a strong person and I can handle it.

   *Very few people are able to stay friends for a long time. That's just the way life is. I didn't do anything wrong and he didn't do anything wrong. We just grew apart. It happens all the time.

   *I will start to notice and appreciate all the good things that are going on in my life.

   *I will take care of myself by exercising (assuming you are able) and eating right.

4. Start preparing for your next friendship. There are many excellent online articles on "friendship". Here is a link to just one https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201304/10-essential-skills-look-in-friend As you look for potential new friends, be sure that you, yourself, have the qualities of a good friend.

5. Don't take yourself too seriously. Everyone has problems. The problems you have now will be different than the problems you will have five or ten years from now, but life will always offer up challenges. When you are 40, you may not even remember this guy's name.

I hope this has helped and I wish you the best of luck!

Best Regards,



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