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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Feeling Torn About Ending Our Relationship
Letter #: 393496
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

I've recently ended a 3 year relationship, it was my choice to end it and I thought that I was doing the right thing for myself. I know that he still feels strongly towards me and wants us to try again in the future but I don't know if I can do that. It's been three months since I ended the relationship, but he and I are still close - still consider one another 'best friends'. I know how much he cares for me because he shows it every way he can despite the fact that I don't show it back. 

I'm so confused about how to manage my feelings towards him and what to do... I realise not many people have someone who cares the way he does... He's giving me the space and time I need despite his suffering with depression and health problems... He still tries to be surportive towards me and I appreciate that. He's doing everything right and I don't know why that bothers me so much, I feel like I'm looking for reasons to get away from him even though he's done nothing wrong and I can't understand why. 

I just need advice... Maybe not even advice, just an outside opinion on this. Is there something wrong with me for seeking fault in someone who so obviously cares?

Elder Response

I am so sorry you are suffering through such a difficult situation right now. I know how difficult it is to end a relationship with someone who cares more deeply for you than you do for him. It's an odd feeling of caring but knowing there should be no future with him.

Zoe, what is that quiet, little voice inside you telling you? That little voice never lies. That little voice never shouts or yells. It just quietly talks to you. My advice to you is to listen to that little voice. I have a feeling that little voice is telling you that your former boyfriend's health and mental problems are more severe and will lead to greater problems in the future. I think you have gotten a little glimpse into a future with him and although you care for him, you don't want his problems in your future. It's okay to feel that way. We all make choices and with those choices come the consequences.

As much as you care for him and as much as you don't want to hurt him, it is now time for you to distance yourself from him. Neither of you will be able to heal from this relationship if you keep seeing each other or using social media. It's time for a true break. I suggest you explain to him for the last time that you know how much he cares for you. You also know that your feelings are not what they once were. It would be unfair to you both to try to continue a relationship that has no future.

I hope I have been of some help to you. Please contact Elder Wisdom Circle again if you need us. We are always here.

Best Regards,

Terry-Anne


    

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