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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Boyfriend Still On A Dating Site
Letter #: 395044
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

I've found out about 3 weeks now that my boyfriend of over a yr is still on a dating site and talking to multiple woman. I tried nonchalantly bring it up asking if he's talking to other girls and pointing out that its cheating and he says he's not. Knowing this information is literally eating me alive! I want to confront him and just end things. 

But he does owe me money from backed rent (we live together) is it terrible that I want to wait to confront him and have home move out after I get my money. Is getting my money worth putting me in the horrible situation? I just need advice as what I should do. I've lost all my trust in him and I think we're beyond prepare at this point. But having that money that's owed to me can help me have a fresh start when my lease is up in a couple months. Help!

Elder Response

Am sorry you're going through these issues with your boyfriend, Lena.  From what you've described, the guy doesn't appear ready for a committed relationship and still wants to see what else is out there.  But the question is should you leave and forfeit the money he owes, or leave now.

I don't think there's a right or wrong here.  If you stay you are using him in that you will be getting some needed financial aid.  On the other hand you will be putting up with what you say is "eating you alive".

What I would do is ask yourself the following:  Are you being honest WITH YOURSELF?  In other words, if you stay, do you hope it will buy you time and maybe you feel he will change?  I'm sure you realize that's highly unlikely, but you may be hoping against hope that he will.  Are you prepared to find out even more of his secret activities?  Are you sure he'll even give you the money back?  

I'd be honest with your answers and make sure you're not getting trapped in the fantasy that things will be ok if only he will (fill in the blank).  If you truly are ready to go...and honestly feel you'll get the money and it'll help you, than it's a consideration.  However, make sure that's what this is really about, and not a way to not have to face what's really going on.  I feel if you're true to yourself, you'll make the right decision and can move on with your life.  Good luck!

Best Regards,



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