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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Haven't Heard from Long-Distance Boyfriend in 2 Weeks
Letter #: 395063
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

Hello, For the past 11 months (today is our anniversary) i've been dating this guy. His name is Nick. No one knows about our relationship except for our friends, the only thing is we met online and it's been that way ever since day one. We haven't met up or anything, and it's not like I or he doesn't want to, times are just way too busy to do anything (I'm studying for my HSC, and he's in Uni studying Law). 

Since he got a holiday off work for christmas, he went up to a farm that his family owns, with his family for three or so weeks. For the first week he was less active with messages than usual, which is most definitely understandable, but since the 5th of Jan, he hasn't replied to anything, it just comes up with delivered. I tried calling, texting and using other social media but I just can't get a response. 

He's usually very unlucky with phones, so I thought that it might be just something like that and he was waiting to get home to fix it, but I don't know if i should be any more worried about him than I already am, I mean its been two weeks since we've spoken, the longest time we haven't spoken before is like 9 hours, and thats to go to bed. I really don't know what I should do for the situation. 

Thank you for your time to read and reply to this. I really do appreciate it as there is really no one I can go to for help. Tia. xxx

Elder Response

I think it's a big mistake to fall for someone you have never met in person, Tia. You haven't actually been dating. You can't actually date on-line. Dating happens in person, in three dimensional person. What I suggest is that you begin to dial back your feelings for this man. You don't really know him. The only things you know about him are what he has told you, and you don't know whether he has been telling you the truth - about anything.

So, please consider that. Maybe every single thing he ever told you has been untruthful.

If possible, I recommend that you seek counseling so that you can permanently disconnect from this man, and begin to look around and find someone local to date in person.

You might also consider gathering up any and all facts that he has given you and hire a private investigator to check him out and discover if he lives where he says he lives; if he goes to school where he says he goes to school; if he is actually studying to be a lawyer; and if there actually is a family farm. The reason he is unlucky with phones is probably because he doesn't want to talk to you over the phone. Please stop being naive and ask yourself why someone who has been romancing you for 11 months wouldn't want to talk to you.

Please consider that if you are actually dating someone who is local then you get to meet his friends and family and he gets to meet yours. Then, if for some reason he disappears, you can actually ask someone who knows him what happened to him.

Usually when these on-line scammers disappear, they resurface with some made up terrible disease and they need money, which they want to get from you. I hope you haven't given him any money, and that you won't give him money if he asks. If he never resurfaces, please consider yourself lucky ... and get on with your life - meet someone in person.

I'm glad you wrote to us, Tia. I hope I have helped open your eyes.

Best Regards,



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