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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Help Me Communicate With People
Letter #: 396216
Category: Self-Improvement

Original Letter

Hi, I need help to communicate with people.I am Priya and now I am 23 years old.When I was 10, I found my mother was cheating my dad but dad doesn't know anything about it.I didn't tell my dad because I don't want to break my dad's, heart. From my childhood, I am a silent girl and I don't talk that much.when I was 16, I had a friend around 1 year and I fall in love with him. after few months, I found that he is a cheater then I left him.Now, again I fall in love with another boy, and he is also cheater.I met lots of people (friends, mum and boyfriends)in my life and they are cheating me or someone I know.Now I am afraid of all people.I can't trust anyone in my life.I don't want to be like this .i don't know why I am afraid of people? for example: - if someone asks me anything I know, I don't answer them I just smile and walk away. I recently attend job interviews and college interviews I am not able to talk to them. I am mumbling and I am not confident.

Elder Response

Oh Priya, you have been dealt some bad experiences in life and for that, I am very sorry.  I am here to tell you, however, that not everyone in this world is a cheater and once you do gain some confidence, you will be successful.

There is a country song by Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson called BECAUSE OF YOU that is about how a lady who used to trust everyone but no longer does because of a past love.  It is a beautiful song but it is so sad.

You need to start with 'baby steps' and not feel like you have to change everything about yourself overnight.  Are there any organizations you can look into joining that are completely unrelated to your work where you can interact with other people?  Do you attend any religious groups?  Try and find something you can attend where you may not know anyone at all so there is no one to pre-judge you.  When someone greets you, force yourself to look at them, smile and simply say, "Hello" back to them.  They will likely ask you your name to which you will continue to look at them and tell them.  This will be your 'practice for the real world.'  You can also practice at home in front of a mirror looking at yourself and introducing yourself saying, "Hello, my name is Priya.  What is your name?"  or "I am here to apply for a position with your company."  

Do you have any means of obtaining any counseling where you could go to practice communication skills?  There may be something at a local college or even at an employment office.  If you tell the person ahead of time that you are very shy and are there to practice interview skills, they may be able to help you.  You could also inquire about private counseling to work with a person trained to help shy people communicate better.  

I am not familiar with the UK, but in the US, we have a nationwide service organization called the Toastmaster's Club which helps people speak publicly.  You could investigate whether such a similar organization exists in the UK. 

I wish you the very best of luck.  You CAN overcome this.  It will take work on your part but it is mostly going to be gaining confidence in yourself and knowing that you are a worthy person and not everyone is out to cheat or harm you.  Please write back and let me know if you think my advice was helpful.

Best Regards,

BES


    

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