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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FRIENDSHIP: Think I'm Going to Be Left Out by Two Best Friends
Letter #: 397466
Category: Friendship

Original Letter

I have two best friends. one of them is dating a guy and the guy's best friend likes my other best friend. he's going to ask out my other best friend and I feel like I'm going to be left out - what should I do? I don't want to keep my best friends from being happy.

Elder Response

When I was growing up, my mom used to say this is being the "third wheel". This old idiom developed back in the day of carts having 2 wheels so having a 3rd wheel was not needed. I remember clearly when my best girlfriend in high school started dating her first big crush. She was truly my one good friend as I was sort of awkward socially. At that point, my friendship with her became useless. She didn't have time for me anymore. It was painful and I remember feeling vaguely lost socially.

Denise, you are indeed a very good friend in that you are wishing happiness for your friends' happiness. I certainly understand and have compassion for what you are feeling. My suggestion is to do a couple of things. 

First, make sure you expand your circle of friends and develop interesting activities. That was my saving grace in high school. I joined the choir, the swim team and other activities not associated with the girlfriend that only had time for her boyfriend. I gained new friends and associates and became much more active socially. 

Secondly, if these people are sincerely best friends, let them know you hope to hang out with them both in a group setting and as individuals and that you are wishing them all the best. This can be done without hurting anyone's feelings or making them feel sorry for you. You are approaching these friends with kindness in your heart. A person like you will never be left out. You will always be included as a friend in many groups and with many individuals. You have expressed an attribute of a mature, kind and loving young woman.

Thinking of you with thoughts of support and courage! heart

Best Regards,



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