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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Have a Broken Heart of Confusion
Letter #: 397472
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

Okay so I just recently just broke up with my boyfriend. I found out he had a girlfriend while dating me but she was a girl I knew for a years. I found out by her posting pictures of her n her boyfriend messages. I noticed the name I message her I was asking her questions like how long you guys been together she said a month which is bout to be 2months. I asked her wat school he go to I was hoping he go to hers but I was wrong she said my school so I knew it was him. she even sent me a picture n guess what it was him I didn't know how to feel.

next day I went almost half of the day without talking to him it was too much on my mind so I asked him to meet me up meet me at lunch and he said OK and I asked why didn't you tell me you had a girlfriend. he said we are not dating we broke up like two weeks ago and she's still claim me and that we still talk from time to time mostly. OK but you should've told me. I didn't believe him but it was tonight when I draw the line, she posted more messages with him in it. I know he didn't break up with her I just should of never wasted my time on someone that I thought was different from the others.

I guess I'm not ment for love.please help me ~Mystery person

Elder Response

Hey, just because you got a lousy boyfriend doesn't mean you are "not meant for love," Chewie!  Dating  is a process of discovery and experience.  It's the time to  meet lots of people, learn about yourself by how you “work” with different personalities, learn how to begin and end relationships gracefully, and above all, have fun along the way. It’s part of your evolution and the maturing process. Like anything, it takes practice and won't always be a smooth process.   Just be true to yourself and respectful of others, and you'll do fine.

The world is full of pretense and deceit,  but don't let that blind you to the good in most people. "Try not to be cynical about love, because in the face of all disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. " (quote from Max Ehrmann in The Desiderata)

Here's another quote I love: " You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it."  -- Maya Angelou

Take this disappointment in your stride and think about what you learned.  Coping with breakups and rejection is a necessity of life for everyone.  Dating is a time of testing people and this "boyfriend" failed the test.  Don't blame yourself but count your blessings instead! 

Best Regards,



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