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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Should I Keep Trying to Connect with My Tinder Match?
Letter #: 397590
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

I was chatting to girl I matched with on tinder for about a month, we got along well, the conversation was reciprocal (she asked me questions and our responses were a similar length etc, both waited same time before texting back etc, and had loads in common) 

So after about a week I asked her on date and she went quiet. Three days later I gave her a nudge, she gave me her number. We started chatting again, and I asked her out that Wednesday to which she said she had plans but they're likely to cancel. They didn't cancel and so we had to rearrange. Rearranged for wed next week. The night before she says she's on painkillers for a trapped nerve in her shoulder so can't make it. I said let me know if you want to reconvene, The next day (The Wednesday) she says I have an interview Thurs but shoulder feels better and she should be able to come. Then texts again later on that datsaying now has another interview at 9am so cant make it now as needs to prepare and says we should try 3rd time lucky. I agree Next day I ask her how interview went. she texts back about interveiw. The next text I send asking about her weekend she ignores, I give her a nudge. Says just too busy atm to date. 

My question is what do you think - was she too busy? Did she not really want to date me? Should I try again in a few weeks time? I wouldn't normally be so persistent but I really liked the sound of this girl

Elder Response

Hi, Jim.  Thanks for your letter and for sharing this story.  Here’s what I think . . . .

If I counted correctly, your Tinder Friend has either agreed or encouraged you to date about 7 times.  And each time she has had a reason to not follow through and meet you in person.  That may be an over-the-top set of coincidences, or there is some other reason for her to not meet you when you ask her out.

You asked if I think she was too busy.  She may have been, Jim, but I doubt it. The final reason, that she is just too busy to date, sounds an awful lot like closure to me.

You also asked if you should try again in a few weeks time.  My response is Sure.  Why not?  You’ve got nothing to lose and if you want to try again, ask her out again. 

However, I wonder, after 7 previous attempts, if anything will change.

My honest reaction, Jim, is that if/when you ask her out, she will find another reason for the date to not take place, if she agrees to it at all and isn’t too busy.  And if indeed she is too busy, or wants you to think she is too busy, I think she may be sending you a pretty clear message.

I’m glad you two got along as you enjoyed chatting with one another, and that you seem to have enough in common to ask her out.  However, that may be all your relationship will be.  Online chatting.  That seems to be enough for her.  So if you are enjoying it, and if that is enough for you with this girl, I’d leave it at that.

Best Regards,



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