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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Old Flame or Current Boyfriend?
Letter #: 397746
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and we have had problems. The guy I was talking to before him always gave me butterflis and I was excited when we were going to hang out. I've never felt like that with anyone. Not even my boyfriend really. Anyway he has recently came back into my life and we hung out the other day and that feeling is still there. I want him but at the same time I don't want to loose my boyfriend. I know I cant have both of them. I just don't know what to do.

Elder Response

Kitty, our unmarried years are the time to discover who's right for us.  It's a time of growth and change into our adult selves, and dating is a process of elimination based upon moving freely among partners 'til we find "The One".  Of necessity, old loves must be left behind and new ones welcomed for our own good.  At such times, it can help to realize that our first priority in life is our own well-being, and that no one can ensure that but ourselves.   

You'll know you're getting closer to Mr. Right when you have few if any problems relating to one another *and* when you feel butterflies as well.  Both are essential elements of a lasting love.  That you're having difficulties with your boyfriend *and* don't feel butterflies for him are two red flags in your relationship.  Kitty, this is no way to run a romantic relationship. It hurts to say goodbye to someone you've been with, but when there's nothing to gain, there's everything to lose by staying.  Your life is at stake here, and that's nothing to fool around with.  Keep in mind you're not doing your boyfriend any favors by failing to break up.  Like you, he deserves to have someone in his life who truly loves and enjoys him wholeheartedly.  

Life involves being open to change, and don't underestimate the power of fate.  It's real, and if we're open to living our best life, it helps us find the best mate.  Who knows if Mr. Old/New is right?  But you'll never know unless you tell your boyfriend you don't love him enough to stay together, and unless you fully engage in getting together with You-Know-Who.  :::)))

I wish you happiness, Kitty.  

Best Regards,



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