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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

Letter #: 398181
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

My name is Kaylee and I need boy advice. I have crushes on two people. The first guy is really fun and nice and we get along really well, i get a lot of hugs and we are always really close to each other and i think he likes me, but there is this girl he somewhat likes and i respect that but i want him to like me more. Guy number 2 is 2 yrs younger than guy number one and to be honest we havent even talked, we talked once about school stuff but thats it. He always stares at me and smiles and gets close to me. I know he thinks im cute because his friends told me that he thought so. I dont know what to do really because i want to still be as close as i am with guy number one and want us to be a thing but then i want guy number 2 to talk to me because i think hes really cute and seems like he has a great personality, what should I do. (they dont like each other either. they get jealous)

Elder Response

You are writing to the Elder Wisdom Circle, Kaykay, because you would like to get an opinion from someone who is older and (hopefully) wiser than yourself. In other words, someone who has been there and done that and can express to you advice based upon our experience. I will be happy to give you my opinion, but you need to remember that I don’t know you or anyone else you are writing about. The only information I have to go on is what you have written. Having said that, here’s what I think.

I think you should marry them both. No, wait. I guess there is plenty of time to decide which of them you want to marry. No, wait. OK, enough goofing around, let’s get serious. You are not talking about getting married, of course not. But, then again, I’m not understanding the reason for you to have to make a choice between these two guys. Isn’t it possible with young people today to go out with different people at different times? Do you really have to make a commitment to “be a thing”?

Here is my understanding about your situation. You are at a point in your life where it’s all about learning. School is important, that’s for sure, but it’s not the only thing you are learning. You are learning about yourself; who you are, who you will be, and how to deal with this crazy world you find yourself in. It’s not easy, and that’s why it takes years to learn. We all go through it, so don’t worry if you don’t have all the answers right now.

One of the most important things about life and yourself that you are learning is what, exactly, is it you want from a partner? That’s right, now I am talking about marriage … not now, but in the future. Understanding what you want and (perhaps even more important) what you don’t want, in a partner is an important learning curve for all of us. This isn’t like studying for an English test. You cannot just sit down and make a list. It’s something you have to learn from experience over the course of years. How can you get that experience if you don’t go out with different people?

My suggestion is this: Talk with whoever you like. Go out with whoever you like. If other people have a problem (you mentioned jealousy), it is exactly that … their problem. You don’t live your life for them, you live it for you. If you like both of these guys, interact with them both. If you meet someone else that you want to spend time with, do so. You will fall into and out of love many times before you find “The One.” The journey is half the fun.

I hope what I’ve written helps you, Kaykay, even if it’s only a little bit. I hope things work out for you, . Feel free to write us back if you ever need advice in the future. Good luck.

Best Regards,



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