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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

MARRIAGE: Husband Sending Nude Pics to Other Men
Letter #: 400651
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

My husband and I separated in January but have been seeing each other regularly just not living together. I'm now 8 weeks pregnant. We plan on moving back in together but I found stuff on his computer and phone that upset me. He's been skyping with men. Jerking off to other men jerking off. Sending nudes and such. The first time I confronted him he got angry the second time he admitted it was him. I don't know what I should do. Our sex life has increased because of this but my respect for him is almost gone and I'm hurt and disappointed. Should I just be okay with it and accept it or tell him to stop and risk losing what we have?

Elder Response

I know it's difficult to come to terms with something like this. You have discovered a truth that you need to accept. Your husband is interested in having sex with men. This is something that is part of who he is. Even if he wanted to stop for the sake of your marriage, that's not likely to happen. He needs to be true to himself. You say you don't want to risk losing what you have but the truth is, what you thought you had is not what you actually have. His attraction to men did not just happen all of a sudden. He has probably been thinking about it for a long time, maybe even trying to deny his sexual preference.

I recommend that you and your husband have a heart-to-heart discussion to redefine your relationship. Be understanding of him, but make sure you maintain your own boundaries. If you are not comfortable with him having sex outside of your marriage, even if it's only online, tell him so. Now that the truth is out, don't try to deny it. You both need to live life authentically. I don't know exactly what that means for you. It may mean you stay together or it may mean you get divorced. Either way, you have your unborn child to consider. Discuss with your husband how the two of you will support and co-parent your child. Best of luck as you move through this.

Best Regards,



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