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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FAMILY: Selfish, Self-Centered Sister
Letter #: 400653
Category: Family

Original Letter

My mother recently started a new job and has been extremely stressed out by many things such as the job, getting 2 hours of sleep each night, having to take care of an extremely sick 13 year old ( me ), etc.. and my younger sister at the age of almost ten is being such a pain in the ass to her!

She asks my mother to cook a home maid dinner of her request EVERY night! All we've been having for the past month is Drive Thru food since my mother doesn't have the time too cook and yes.. of course I'm sick of it.. but I can use common sense and understand that she's been working her Ass of every day and that that's just how it's gona be until later she gets her new business started.. and my little sister does not know when to take a goddamn clue! For example our parents always 'tuck us in' ( kisses goodnight, sweet dreams etc. ) at night, but for some reason my sister hasn't grown out of being 'put to bed' wich means each night our mom and dad will switch off putting her to bed ( aka Sleeping with her until she falls asleep ) and my mother was putting her do bed.. and she could barely keep her eyes open and wasn't talking properly.. and then my little sister has the audacity to ask my mother to sing her a song for bed.. my mom started fake laughing and eventually she begun crying in front of my little sister but she played it off as something that made her laugh until she cried..

How do I tell my sister that she needs to get a fucking clue and stop demanding shit every five seconds from my mom?

Elder Response

I'm sorry you have had to wait for a reply, Sierra. We have been busy. Your letter is important. 

Gosh, your mother seems to have a lot on her plate - an unfamiliar new full time job, a sick 13 year old, and a demanding needy almost 10 year old plus the other demands of keeping up a household! You are considerate to try to ease her load. Good job! 

I think you realize that if your mother sickens or falters the entire family group falls into disarray. Hey, maybe you and your sister can unite with the idea of helping your mother... Mother's Day is coming. (You are smart and mature enough to see that mom can't keep up this pace!)

I do hope you are feeling better soon so the burden of taking care of you eases up. As soon as you become more able, try to ease your mother's burden in caring for you... or, consider, whether as the older one, you can forego some 'services'. 

Little sister is used to a certain level of service from her parents and may be jealous of the attention you get because you're ill. Expecting a parent to lay next to her until she falls asleep is immature. However, instead of telling her that, give her hints on putting herself to sleep. Many youngsters calm themselves to sleep by reading a fairy tale on their own or hugging with a 'lovie' which might be a familiar blanket or stuffed animal. Tell her how you managed to fall asleep without mom or dad being next to you. Let her know that would give her beloved mom a few more hours of sleep.

Expecting a parent who has started a new unfamiliar job to make home made food each night is too much. I'm wondering whether your mother passes one of those grocery stores on her way home that feature prepared food to go. This food is often better than fast food and takes hardy any time on your mom's part to pick up... as long as you two agree on ONE place for mom to stop. If you both insist on different sources of food, it's too much bother for a busy woman like your mother. You and your sister might help mom plan for different foods for each night of the week... and you, Sierra, might suggest she cooks one of her specialties over the weekend in a large enough quantity that she can reheat it on, say, Wednesday.

It sounds like little sis is a bit immature (that is okay at ~10) and needs some attention. What would happen if YOU give her the attention she wants? Experiment with this idea if you're well enough. I was an oldest child. I spent time with my younger sisters (I had 3) doing craft projects, planning plays to entertain my parents, and making clay figures act out stories like claymation. You and little sis might be able to prepare simple snacks like 'ants on a log' (raisins sitting in peanut butter on cut celery sticks) to treat the family to a snack. Maybe if she was involved in the prep and cleaning she'd appreciated your mother's efforts and become less demanding. 

I hope my suggestions help. Write again anytime. Hope you feel better soon... and figure out a way of helping your dear mother.

Best Regards,



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