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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FAMILY: Is It Wrong To Keep My Pregancy Secret From Family?
Letter #: 401175
Category: Family

Original Letter

I dont have a very good relationship with my sisters, all 8 of them. We found each other a few years ago (same father all different mothers) and we all seem to clash. Well I clash with them. Its always been a competition between us. I have suffered from multiple miscarried, and two of my sisters have made accusations that I made up the babies for attention. we have moved past all that and are now friends on social media (facebook & instagram).

my younger sister just posted that she is pregnant with her second child, and i am happy for her and told her so. She is 6 weeks along. heres the thing, I just found out i am 16 weeks pregnant lol.This is the longest I have carried, and we are so over joyed, everything looks really good. I decided not to post on facebook for several reasons of god forbid it doesnt make it, i dont want everyone to know. and i am afraid my sisters will accuse me of lying again, and that it will look like I am stealing my little sisters thunder. I am just concerned that we will be closely due around the same time, and how to announce our child.

I just dont know the proper thing to do. is it wrong to keep it a secret from my family? Does that look weird on me? My adopted mother knows, and my father in law, but thats it.

Elder Response

I can appreciate that you are in an especially delicate situation, Kelly, and understand that you do not want to expose yourself to the stress and disappointment of a publicized miscarriage, nor to divert attention from your pregnant sister.  I think keeping your own pregnancy quiet until you are further along may be the best course, based on your concerns.

    Some cultures do not celebrate pregnancy with baby showers and so on prior to the arrival of the baby, for the same kinds of reasons, that is, potential prenatal problems.  

    However, at some point it will be obvious to everyone that you are pregnant, and you have already shared with your adopted mother and father-in-law.  Such secrets are hard to keep.  When the time comes that your condition is revealed, perhaps you can be the one to privately share the news with your younger sister, and the two of you can be mutually supportive.  If you manage to do this, you may find a new sisterly bond established, and the other sisters will follow the lead of the two of you.  Facebook is the last place I personally would want to post the news. . .only after you have established a comfort level within the family among those who are most involved.  

    What does your adopted mother suggest?  You may find that she has already (unintentionally) revealed your secret in casual conversation with one or another of your sisters.  If so, be prepared to be strong in the face of whatever jealous accusations may come your way, Kelly.  

    My very best wishes for your continued health and a happy outcome to your pregnancy.  

Best Regards,

Aondreaa


    

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