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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

MARRIAGE: Husband Won't Talk to Me
Letter #: 402321
Category: Marriage

Original Letter

hello everyone, Me and my husband just got married after 9 years in relationship, we always far from each other but every moment if he had vacant he always texted me and called me. We have children and im now pregnant for almost 6months. We had fight in phone because he is far from us. i usually blocked him and not talk to him everytime we having a fight but after a 2-3 days we reconcile. but this this time, he blocked me after a 4 days of fighting for the first time but just for 1 day. 

So i called and called him and texted him to reconcile and maybe im too much thats why he explode but he said he don't want to talk to me yet because he is scared at me but the love is still there. Then he never answered my many calls and text. So, My feeling is so depressed and I'm thinking maybe he had another woman that's why he ignored all my call and text which he didn't did it before. So, i push myself to move a little and stop calling and texting him for a week, then I received a call from him but he didn't answer and he off the call. its was 5 calls he did, so i decided to call him, maybe because he is ok now but he's he hesitate to talk yet. but again for several calls and text he didn't answer one. And again the called me twice in the next day (3am and 6am). 

What does it means? He really going to break up with me? what shall i do?

Elder Response

Megumi, I understand why you are upset about this. Relationship problems are always stressful, but long distance relationships are especially so. You need to sit down with your husband face-to-face and talk. All this calling and blocking isn't helping.

When people have children, I always tell them to do what is best for the children. If your husband is a good father, do what it takes to save your marriage. 

When will he be back?  Until then, please only call or text him a normal number of times. If he calls or texts, answer. Then, when he does come home, sit down with him. Tell him you are committed to the marriage. Ask him if he is, as well. If he is, talk about how the two of you can improve your communication. You are going to have to make decisions that work for both of you.  Otherwise, this marriage isn't going to last much longer. 

As for your suspicion that he might be seeing another woman, is this something that has ever happened in the past? Or are you simply scared?  If you really think he is seeing someone else, then, when you are face-to-face, ask him. But don't accuse him or get angry. Simply say that when he ignores your calls, it scares you and you think he is seeing someone else. If he says he isn't, and, if he has never done that before, then trust him.

You are a smart, strong, capable woman. If you want to save your marriage, then devote yourself to that. Put aside the anger and the fear and focus on what is good about the relationship. You can do this.

Best Regards,



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