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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: His silence is killing me
Letter #: 402948
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

Hello , I'm a 24 girl from Iran...I don't know how much you know about here but here having girlfriend or boyfriend isn't a good thing in society although now a days it became common...my problem is that I never had any love relationship till now and I never thought about it but since 2 years ago when I stared university I fell in love with a boy in my class it was the first time I really felt something about someone but although I tried to show him I love him he didn't notice I mean he never talk to any girl in the class ...last month I told him that how much I love him although it's a bit strange in our society that a girl asks a guy but I did via messages because I never could find him alone to talk to him in person ...

anyway at the beginning he told me he is married but later I found out he lied me and I never found out why...again I sent him message and asked him to tell what does he thinks about me or is that possible to have a love relationship he just ignores my messages ..Once he said he said he's not in good situation ..but he usually doesn't reply my messages it really bothers me all the time he breaks my heart by not responsible for my messages I'm so sad and depressed I really love him although all my friends told me it's not good to tell him I love him but I did I can do everything for him but I just want him to to give me an answer does he have a bit feeling for me or not ...I'm just so sad and confused I stop messaging him after sent him a lot of messages with our any reply. his silence is killing me inside...

Please help me what should I do? Everybody says I should forget about him I should give up on him but how? Is that possible when I this much love him ?

Elder Response

I have some ideas about your problem and want you to consider them.  I may, or may not, be correct but at least you will have an unbiased opinion.

Whether you are from Iran, or any other country certain matters continue to apply.  They hold true, for the most part, and need to be totally understood.

You approached him with your belief that he would at least understand.  Maybe he did not or was not ready for you to explain your love for him.  Maybe he was married, or not, or maybe his situation was such that your declaration came at a bad time. You simply cannot know what his situation was at that time.

Whenever you make the first move you take the chance of being rebuffed.  He has the option of just saying no or of saying nothing at all.  In this case he just will not answer you and that is his right.

Mastaneh, the fact that he is not answering is a answer in its own way.  He does not wish to carry, or begin, any interaction with you further.  Who know's why, but he is telling you that he does not want to participate with you.  Allow him to remain as he is without any further actions on your part.  If, now or later, he wants to begin with you he can do so but let him be for now.

In life there are times when our desires with another are not returned.  Its just the nature of things.  In this case he has chosen to remain away from you.  Respect him for his wishes.

I suggest you make every effort to go on with your life and discover new acquaintances. Many people want to meet you and are waiting for the opportunity.  Its time for you to let go and travel down a new road. Kindly do so.

There is a wonderful poem called the Serenity Prayer which might help:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Best Regards,



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