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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FRIENDSHIP: Breaking Off a Friendship
Letter #: 403580
Category: Friendship

Original Letter

I am in 7th grade and I have about one week left until summer break. Ever since my birthday party in November, something changed about one of my friends. Long story short she mixed up the time and she thought that we purposely made sure she came late. Ever since then she has been mean to me and didn't talk to me until we had track in April. We became better friends until 2 weeks ago when she was mad at me and 3 other friends. We left her alone and she didn't talk to us at all until she has classes with one of the 4 of us. I thought this was weird and so did my other friends. 

We didn't think much of it until yesterday when she just didn't talk to us. When we tried to ask her what was wrong she just ran away from us. Today she just acted like everything was normal. I asked my other friends what they thought and if they were treating this as a normal thing. And they told me that they were treating it as a normal thing. I am almost positive she is doing this to get attention and so do others. I do not want to be friends with her but we go to a Catholic school (I am not religious) and if you don't like somebody there you get in trouble. Because it against gods will or whatever. 

What I am really asking for, is what do I do? Should I talk to her or leave it alone. I don't want her to think were friends and we are leaving for summer in a week. I also don't want her to be mad at me because when she gets mad then I don't know. I've never really broken off a friendship like this. Nothing has gone this way for me ever. Any advice is appreciated.

Elder Response

I'm sorry your friend is causing you problems, Emcat, and hopefully I can help you figure out what to do. Since things have been a strain since last November, it sounds like this girl perhaps is a bit insecure. From what you said, she thought she was "set up" to be late for the party and since then has gone back and forth in being mean with you. This tells me she is just not sure of herself and maybe not capable right now of a close friendship. There's a lot to figure out here, but I don't think it's your job to do so. From what little you wrote, I can tell you are a nice, decent person who is trying to do the right thing so I'm sure this girl knows that. I suggest you leave it at that.

I don't think you need to have a serious talk with her anymore. Try to take the attitude your friends have - that this is normal. They don't seem to be as concerned about this as you are so, here again, this proves you are indeed a caring person who wants to do the right thing.

You indicated you don't want to be friends with her any more and that's fine. You don't have to be. But you don't have to be her enemy either and push her totally out of your life. Can you just be pleasant to her when she's around but stay away from any serious conversation? Can you treat her like you treat all the other kids in school? Let her go her way and not get involved with it. If she wants to spend time with you, let her, but don't act like you're best friends. And if she starts to get mean again, tell her then you just don't need that kind of friend and walk away.

I hope I've explained myself well enough of what I'm trying to suggest to you. Basically, I'm saying to quit worrying and just take each day as it comes. Be light hearted and try to continue to have fun. This will all work out - especially with summer vacation. A lot can change then. Good luck.


Best Regards,



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