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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

MARRIAGE: Fiance Has a Drinking Problem
Letter #: 403740
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

My fiancai and I have been together 2 years and we have a 6 month old baby. we had separated because of my fiancas drinking and i moved to another city. my fianca promised to quit drinking and moved to the new city to be with me but he is still drinking. he had cut back but it is still a problem. im unsure whether i should have faith in him and trust that he will get his drinking under control or if i should let him go and move on with my life.is there and advice you can offer

Elder Response

I am sorry you're faced with this dilemma, Brittany.  Substance abuse is a tricky animal...and not easily solved.  People often "promise" to stop...and when they say it they mean it...  The problem is, they can rarely do it alone and the best intentions fall flat.  My feeling is that your fiance will not stop drinking unless he either gets to rehab or makes the ultimate commitment and joins a group such as Alcoholics Anonymous.  And, to help YOU, there's Al Anon is for families of the substance abuser to have their own support.  There are meetings in every country and most cities.  There are websites that can lead you to meetings and even those who can help.  At the very least, you might try to find some counseling or a therapist who can give you some support in how to make the best decision.  If you end up taking him back...you'll need a LOT of support and help.  Alcoholism is a family disease...it affects far more than the individual.

If he refuses to get help, my opinion is that his chances are slim to none that he will stop.  I can't tell you how to live or what, ultimately, to do.  However, you have a child and that child needs to grow up without the abuse inflicted by an alcoholic or drug using parent.  You need to think of your child first and what's best for him/her.

Please get some help before you decide to take him back.  Take this very seriously as the future of not only you, but your child is at stake.  Good luck.

Best Regards,



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