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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FAMILY: Parents Not Communicating Well
Letter #: 404461
Category: Friendship

Original Letter

Hi! So, lets get strait to it. My great grandmother just died and my mom told me to get things ready so I don't have to go to school Thursday and Friday. Now, Wednesday afternoon, after I took a 1 1/2 hour test, my dad told me that only mom was leaving that weekend.I asked to go with her, but she said I needed to stay home and get good grades (even though today I did all the work I would have done tomorrow and the day after). I don't want to be seen as a liar.

With my family thinking about moving, I tell my friends that I am gonna, then the next day were not sure. My parents don't communicate with us well . I feel my friends think I'm a liar and make excuses. What should I do? I don't want to be seen as a liar.

Elder Response

No, you don't look like or sound like a liar.   Right or wrong, sometimes parents don't tell you the whole story about situations --  usually because they don't want to worry you.   So what looks like arbitrary decisions on their part might really be a much more complicated issue.  I'm just saying that cut them some slack.

Now, on the other hand, don't try to hid your confusion from your friends.  Let them know that your parents have changed plans, and without getting too negative, that you find it frustrating.  They will probably agree.  This kind of thing probably happens to them as well.  I remember a few unexplained situations -- or just changes in plans -- that disrupted my plans when I was  younger.  Part of your disappointment here was that you were looking forward to the trip.  I know it was a funeral, but you probably wanted to go to be supportive of your mom and see other members of the family.  

You could discuss this with your parents.  Don't be confrontational, just let them know that changing plans complicates your life and leaves you feeling unsure of what is going on.  You don't have to ask for an explanation of what happened this time, just let them know that it would make things easier for you if they shared the reasons for their decisions. They may not change, but you will probably feel better if you share your feelings. 

I hope you find my advice helpful. 

Best Regards,

NancyJo


    

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