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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FAMILY: Walking On Eggshells with My Stepdad
Letter #: 407618
Category: Family

Original Letter

Hello! I am a mother of a 1 year old. My son is my entire life!!! I am living with my parents and working full time to get on my feet. My mother helps me out tremendously. My father/step father however is unhelpful.

He kicked my sons father out a few months after my son was born because he does not agree with what he does for a living (serving). And now I am at a point where I am ready to move out. I got engaged to my sons father (I have been hiding that from my "father") I'm honestly scared of him. Although he wouldn't ever hurt me I feel like he is mentally abusive to me and my sisters and mother. I'm feeling a massive amount of guilt for leaving, but I want to finally feel like I'm not walking on egg shells every time I open my eyes. I feel like I am doing something wrong for wanting to start my own life. And I know he will make me feel that way to when he finds out I want to move.

Please help! Am I doing the wrong thing?

Elder Response

Meg, I would be happy to answer your letter. I am so sorry you are having to deal with such a negative situation. No one should have to live in an environment where there is verbal abuse going on. You have every right to pick up and move out and make a life for yourself and your son with your fiance. You would be doing something that was very right and you deserve to take care of yourself and son. So, in short, you are not doing something wrong at all. I would encourage you to move out as soon as you can.

Yes, your stepfather is going to probably be very upset with you and even more verbally abusive. Consequently, I think you need to have a plan in place first so that when you make the announcement that you are leaving, you can then actually walk out the door. Then you will experience a minimum of verbal abuse. Even though you said he would never hurt you, I wouldn't want to take any chances.

Your mother may be upset with you, too, but usually time will heal that, especially since you have a son whose life I am sure she will want to continue to be a part of. 

So, go for it and stop the eggshell business, which isn't any fun.

I hope that this has been helpful to you, Meg, and I wish you a great deal of luck as you move forward. I truly believe that moving out is the right thing to do and without guilt. Take care of yourself and think positive thoughts. I am a great believer in that.

I would love to hear how things work out.

Feel free to contact Elder Wisdom Circle in the future if you have any issues you think we might be able to address. If this was helpful, we hope you will recommend us to others.

Best Regards,



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