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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FRIENDSHIP: Personal problems straining friendships; Friendships straining personl problems
Letter #: 408094
Category: Friendship

Original Letter

I don't actually know how to start this or how to make this seem like I"m not another dick with pointless problems, but I'm at a point in my life where I make every inconsequential crossroad and make it a soul crushing, life changing event. Anyways, I have three friends. They have been my life for the past 2-5 years. I've can honestly say that i wouldn't be here without them. I have issues with self-harm and suicide and they have always help me through it but, I constantly feel like I'm taking away from their lives. It's always "I shouldn't have been with my boyfriend. I should have been watching you." or "Lisa, I would have stopped my project to be with you." and I know that sounds so sweet and endearing but it makes me feel insane. Especially when I've been called crazy my whole life. I'm I just an insane child that can't be left alone to them?

Towards the end of this last school year, I began to feel like everyone I knew hated me and secretly didn't want to talk to me. This feeling only began to get worse into the summer. I sorta made a reference to suicide and didn't respond to them and I guess they thought I had off myself and got my f-ing phone blown up with texts. They mean well I know they do but I can't see them the way I have before. Today's my birthday and they haven't talked to me at all. One of my friends asked if I was okay awhile ago and the conversation ended shitty and didn't help anything...I got left on read. I want to call them but I wouldn't know what to say really. I need help. Should I leave them or what..? I'm absolutely overcome with the feeling of not being wanted and self hate and I just don't know. I'm really lonely.

I just want love and happiness but everywhere I look there's only more problems and pain and sadness and I really can't do it anymore. Thank you so much.

Elder Response

First, Lisa, your feelings and worries are not Inconsequential. You are sad and confused at this time; it's those feelings and insecurities that are hurting you. There is some very good help available for you.

If you can talk to your parents about how you feel. They love you, I'm sure. It's possible that they don't know the way to respond, still that doesn't change the fact that they love you and want to help. If they don't understand the problem or know how to help it doesn't mean they don't care.

Your school is a good place to reach out for help. Your school counselors are trained to deal with your problems. The things you say are between you and them; it's what's called a privileged conversation; so you can speak knowing it's just between the two of you. Getting professional help is vital. You can overcome this, but you'll need some outside help.

Please don't seek help from your friends. They have no idea how to help you and that's a huge burden to lay on friends. Be around them and enjoy them, but don't expect them to know what to do. Try to just let them be friends and don't put them in a position of feeling bad because they can't help. If they feel bad it's only natural they will avoid you. Friends are wonderful and helpful. You just can't expect them to be therapists.

I wish you well, Lisa. Please seek help. And please write back and let me know if you want to say more. I really am concerned about you so please let me know how you're doing. Thanks

Best Regards,



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