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FAMILY: Feel Like Mom is Choosing Her New Husband Over Me

My father has passed away 4 years ago. My mother just remarried a man who she has only known for three months. I have only met him once. I'm getting married soon and three months ago my mother asked if she could bring a "male friend" to the wedding. I was uncomfortable with it and explained my reasons why my answer was no and she said she would respect my wishes. 

Now that she has married him she is insisting he be invited or she will not come to my wedding stating she needs to stand by her husband. I'm shocked that my mother would choose this man, whatever he is to her, that she only has known for three months over her own son. Now I don't known what to do. Should I stand my ground and risk not have my mother at my wedding or give in and invite him?

Elder Response

I'm so sorry that this is a problem for you.  I think I can understand that you may have been uncomfortable three months ago when your mother asked to bring a male friend to your wedding, although I have to say that I also think it would have made your mother happy if you had agreed.

You say you're shocked that she would choose this man 'whatever he is to her' over you, her son.  Well, like it or not, what he is to her now is her husband and therefore he is her priority. She is right that she has to stand by him.   I'm sorry that you lost your dad, but he's been gone for four years and I think you could be happy that your mother has found a new love. You say you've only met him once - was there something about him you disliked?  Did you make an effort to get to know him?  Don't you love your mother and want her to be happy? How does your fiancee feel about possibly not having her mother-in-law at her wedding?  Do her family understand why you don't want to invite her husband?

I think accepting her choice of a husband and including him in what should be the happiest day of your life would make both of you happy.  I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear, but I think you would always regret it if your mom boycotted your wedding for a perfectly legitimate reason and your relationship with her may never be the same again.  She would also, obviously, be very unhappy to miss her son's wedding. I'm sure she loves you very much and is terribly hurt by this - I know I would be.

Please consider taking the high road and invite him. I believe it's the right thing to do.  I wish you every happiness in your marriage and your future and I hope you'll feel free to write back if you want to talk more.

Sincerely,

Alexandra

Letter ID Letter Title
395288 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Cruel Words Are Stuck In My Head
395130 FRIENDSHIP: Fifth Wheel Is Derailing Our Group Friendship
395111 FAMILY: Feel Like Mom is Choosing Her New Husband Over Me
395063 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Haven't Heard from Long-Distance Boyfriend in 2 Weeks
395044 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Boyfriend Still On A Dating Site
395005 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: No Luck On Dating Sites
394991 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: How Can I Get Him Back?
394948 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Become More Than Friends with a Man-Whore?
394474 FRIENDSHIP: Can This Friendship Be Repaired?
394398 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Failing college and looking for passion
394359 OTHER: Neighbor Has Me Worried for My Family's Safety
394322 CHILDREN: Daughter Doesn't Know I'm Her Biological Father
394319 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: How Did My Ex Move On So Fast?
394218 FRIENDSHIP: Best Friend Is Mad At Me Over Untrue Rumor
394215 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Is Third Time the Charm?
394213 SCHOOL: People Make Me Feel Like a Loser
394119 FAMILY: Who do I take to show - Hubby or Son?
394116 FAMILY: Worried My Brother's Wife Is Ruining My Nephew
394080 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Attention-Hogging Girlfriend Wants More
394001 FAMILY: Mom Won't Let Me Date Until College!
393948 OTHER: How Cold Is Too Cold for a Dog?
393702 CHILDREN: Behavior Problems
393553 FAMILY: Haven't Heard From Dad, And Am Concerned
393496 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Feeling Torn About Ending Our Relationship
393488 FRIENDSHIP: How to Make Friends In Your 30s?
393458 FRIENDSHIP: How can I move on?
393444 FRIENDSHIP: Friendship Since Kindergarten BROKEN!
393431 FRIENDSHIP: Cruel Words From Someone I Thought Was My Friend
393398 CHILDREN: How Hard Is It Being a Single Mom?
393374 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: A Red Flag At Six Flags
393038 SCHOOL: Classmate Is Blackmailing Me
392994 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Juggling A Drinking Issue and a Girl I Care About
392978 FAMILY: Should I Let Mom Live With Me After Her Rehab?
392973 CAREER: Feeling Stuck In Work I Hate
392935 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Great First Date, Then She Dumped Me
392919 FAMILY: Brother-In-Law Stealing From Me
392797 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Arguing About Every Little Thing
392551 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: How do I get over him?
392415 FRIENDSHIP: Grown Apart
392254 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Feeling Trapped
392169 FAMILY: Tell Dad That Mom Is Cheating?
392162 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Still In Love With Ex, But Dating Someone Else
392140 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Scared of the Future
391978 FAMILY: Why is my little sister so bratty?!
391906 OTHER: Charity Registry for a Wedding?
391619 CAREER: Go Back to Old Job, Or Keep Trying for New Job?
391607 MARRIAGE: Worried His Explosive Anger Will Turn Into Abuse
391362 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Work Anxiety and Low Self-Esteem
391248 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: In a Break-Up-Make-Up Cycle
391155 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Is Exercise Worth My Time?
390828 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Focus on My Relationship or Myself?
390754 SCHOOL: Community College or University?
390749 OTHER: Should I Keep the Lie Going?
390738 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Boyfriend Keeps Bringing Up My Weight
390619 FRIENDSHIP: Friend Is Involved with Married Woman
390616 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Worried My Flirting Broke Our Trust
390396 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Not Even Sure If He's Still Alive...
390384 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Can't Stop Thinking About Ex
390368 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Which Boy to Choose?
390343 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: In Love With My Best Friend
390293 SCHOOL: Coach Is Picking on Me
390201 CAREER: How to Further a Career in Art Therapy
390167 FRIENDSHIP: Feel Stupid For Staying Friends With Her
390107 SCHOOL: How Can I Make My Classmates More United?
390064 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: I like this Guy..But My Friend...
390040 FAMILY: Parents Won't Let Me Talk to My BF
389905 FRIENDSHIP: Haven't Talked in Months, Should I Go to Her Party?
389840 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Dating 5 Guys At Once Is Stressful
389824 FAMILY: Mother and Sister Don't Approve of My Fiance
389774 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: A Messed Up Situation
389710 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: In A Funk
389665 OTHER: Grieving A Man I Loved
389239 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Constant fighting with bf
389229 SCHOOL: Nervous About Public Speaking In Class
389220 FAMILY: Sister-In-Law Is Horrible, Must I Attend Her Funeral?
389190 FAMILY: Religion Is Causing Family Problems
389152 CHILDREN: Losing Our Minds From Two-Year Old Crying
388532 OTHER: Torn Between My Bisexuality and My Christian Faith
388531 FRIENDSHIP: Does my friend care?
388530 CHILDREN: Motherhood in a May/December Marriage?
388487 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Roommate Is Flirting with My Boyfriend
388482 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: How Can Be Less Quick to Anger?
388477 MARRIAGE: Think I Married the Wrong Guy!
388401 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Relationship is Changing
388397 FRIENDSHIP: Worried Friend's Fiance Isn't Good for Him
388355 FAMILY: My Parents Are Homophobic
388236 FAMILY: Family trying to control me
388203 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Stay Friends With an Ex?
388180 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: No Texts for 25 Days
388116 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: I think I'm a lesbian, but I have a boyfriend
388085 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Does he just want a hook up?
387913 FAMILY: Parents Won't Let Me Have Fun
387779 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Making a Fresh Start After Breakup
387757 FAMILY: Telling My Family I'm a Lesbian
387743 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: I Keep Reliving the Trauma
387669 FAMILY: Help Me Help My Depressed Brother
387616 FAMILY: Mom is a victim of dating scam
387478 FAMILY: My Dysfunctional Family is Ruining my Relationship
387170 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Is This Relationship Worth My Time?
387117 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: My Ex Seems Too Involved With His Other Ex
387105 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Is the Age Difference Too Much?
387066 FRIENDSHIP: Not Really Friends Anymore, Should I Wish Him Happy Birthday?
387031 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Want to Connect with People Better
384869 CAREER: Should I Distance Myself From Co-workers?
384862 MARRIAGE: Worried Wife Is Not Attracted to Me
384792 DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Am I Heading Towards an Abusive Relationship?
384737 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Quitting Bad Eating Habits
384684 FAMILY: Should I Cut Mom Out of My Life?
384658 FRIENDSHIP: Living with a difficult friend
384654 MARRIAGE: Husband Wants a Separation
384198 MARRIAGE: I Don't Think I Love My Husband
384153 FAMILY: Help Mom or Pursue College and Work?
383956 FAMILY: Dating Behind Mom's Back Because She's Anti-Gay
383665 FAMILY: Future Monster-In-Law
383602 FAMILY: Worried family won't accept me because I'm gay
383575 FAMILY: My parents are standing between me and my career
383566 MARRIAGE: She Wants Time Apart
383264 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Have No Idea What I Want to Do With My Life
383253 CAREER: Unsure What Direction to Take
383221 FAMILY: Torn Between My Divorced Parents
383086 FAMILY: Family Living With Me is Financial and Emotional Strain
383066 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Anxiety Is Holding Me Back
382140 MARRIAGE: Attracted to Another Man
380993 MARRIAGE: I Messed Up
380828 FRIENDSHIP: Feeling Excluded by the Group
380508 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Tired of Being the Nice Girl
380363 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Missing Out On Life
380362 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Why can't I emotionally get close?
380021 FAMILY: Don't Want to Live With Either Parent
380008 MARRIAGE: No Longer In Love
380007 SCHOOL: College Fears and Exam Anxiety
379649 FRIENDSHIP: My Friend's Child Is Unbearable
379600 OTHER: Choose Love, Or See What's Out There?
379420 CHILDREN: Daughter Upset About Me Wanting to Date
379331 MARRIAGE: Parents Will Disown Me If I Marry Him
379272 FINANCE: Loaning Money to Others Leaves Nothing for Me
379232 FRIENDSHIP: Torn Between Two Friends
379081 OTHER: Live Lesbian or Play it Straight?
378780 FINANCE: Struggling to Save for an Apartment
378665 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: I Want to Be Happy
378156 SCHOOL: Take a Year Off?
378140 MARRIAGE: He Became Distant After I Became Pregnant
378109 OTHER: Should I run away?
378075 OTHER: Pregnant and Alone
377831 OTHER: I Feel So Alone After Mother's Suicide
376942 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Struggling with Anxiety
376697 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: I Can't Stop Lying
376356 SCHOOL: College I Love or College Near Family?
376224 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: How to Balance My Job, My Kids, and My Dreams
375439 SELF-IMPROVEMENT: Need Help Connecting With People

 

    

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