A letter writer feels ugly and unloveable.

Hang in there, says our elder. Things really do get better.

Dear EWC

Growing up, I didn’t think I was ugly. I didn’t think that my sisters were prettier than me. I didn’t notice the differences until people started talking. You see, I have had a tough life and I am still experiencing that tough life. The feeling of not being enough, not being beautiful and sooo much more. I tried to love myself. I started learning how to apply makeup. I spent so much money on makeup, just to look beautiful. But even when I apply the makeup I can still see the ugliness through the makeup. My sisters don’t apply makeup, yet they look presentable. But I can’t even take a selfie without makeup. My older sister purposely throws shade at me, telling me that I need makeup in order to take pictures, go to events and so much more. It’s not my fault that God made me the ugliest, the least confident, and don’t tell me I am beautiful. I know I am not beautiful. No guy has ever approached me and told me I am beautiful. How can I love myself? I have tried makeup, I have tried skincare, I have tried not caring, I have tried to think I am beautiful. But at the end of the day I am still that ugly girl that no ones likes. The black sheep. The ugliest.

Greg replies

Thank you for trusting us with your important question. I hope what I say can bring you at least a small measure of peace.

You don’t say how old you are, but I’m going to guess you are in your teen years or early adulthood. These are tough times for all of us in one way or another. At age 65 I’ve been there, believe me! So I think I can understand, at least a little, what you are now going through.

First, I will say that most people when they are young find fault with themselves for their looks, intelligence, “coolness,” or whatever. They exaggerate how dumb they are, how uncool, how ugly, etc. Young people are very sensitive about these issues and that’s totally natural for that age. As we grow older, hopefully, we come to realize things aren’t quite as dire as we once thought.

Second, and you may not want to hear this or may not believe me, but loving yourself has nothing whatsoever to do with your looks, in my opinion. We either love ourselves or not based on what kind of people we are. Am I a loving person? Do I care about other people? Am I helpful and kind? Am I a good, loyal friend? Am I pleasant to be around? I think these are the things that matter most in life. Try to give yourself a break over your looks and analyze what kind of  person you are, not on how you look.

From experience I will also tell you something. I’ve known girls who I thought were not attractive at all in middle or high school who were quite beautiful when I met them in their 20s. At the same time, some girls I found very attractive when they were young were much less so as they aged into adulthood. (Incidentally, I have found that many of the best looking, most popular boys from high school do not age so well either).

I guess what I’m saying is:  A person does not have be physically beautiful to be beautiful. And our perceptions of physical beauty change over time.

I hope this helps. Hang in there. Things really do get better.

Reference 428981
Category: self improvement