People say I should be a model but I just want to fit in.

Our elders help a middle school student come to terms with her height.

Dear EWC

Hey EWC!! I am a 13-year-old girl in middle school. And this time I have a problem, that is on the topic of… I guess you could say self esteem. I am five foot four. I may even be five foot five. I am taller than any of my classmates, and I feel really self conscious. I wish I was shorter! I hate wearing my cowgirl boots, because they make me feel tall and awkward. I hate wearing heels. I even try and hunch down or not stand up straight so people can assume that I am their height. I just hate being tall, and no boys will probably ever like me. I am not bragging. But I am pretty, and people tell me I am. I am skinny too, and people tell me that I should be model when I grow up. But I am middle school… and I am still trying to figure out who I am physically and mentally. I just hate being tall; it makes feel like I don’t fit in, and I just feel like a giraffe. Both of my parents are short. My grandma is five foot eight, so I might get my tallness from her. But, my younger sister is really, really short, and sometimes I am jealous of her, because of that. I just wish I was shorter. Can you help? Thanks!

Beacons-of-Light reply

We are group of seniors living in a retirement community and we are so glad that you wrote to Elder Wisdom Circle. First of all we just want you to know that we think you sound adorable. While your situation is kind of annoying right now it will eventually pass! We encourage you to embrace your height and be proud of who you are. We are glad that you recognize some of your strengths/attributes and want you to try to focus on the positive things.

So often we aren’t happy with what we have and that is human nature! If we are heavy we want to be thin, if we have straight hair we want curly hair, if we are short we want to be tall… but what we have all learned over the years is that we need to accept who we are and try to be happy. It can be easier said that done but it is really important to try because life is too short to worry about all the things that are wrong and not enjoy the things that are right. Of course there are things that we can change but our height is not one of them.

Perhaps you can talk to your grandma and find out if she has any advice on how to handle being taller than others. Ask her if it ever bothered her and if so what kind of things helped her. Try to think about all the positive things that come with being taller—you don’t have to ask for help reaching things on the top shelf, you can ride any amusement park ride, you could excel in sports like volleyball and basketball!

In our experience boys are usually shorter in elementary school and middle school but will usually sprout up in high school and you won’t be the tallest in your class. Everyone grows at a different pace and you need to understand that your body is doing just want it is meant to be doing! We know that this probably isn’t what you want to hear but trust us when we tell you that you should have hope because it will be OK.

Believe it or not there are people who wish they were tall, skinny and pretty like you! Don’t slouch or try to hide! If you like your cowgirl boots—wear them! If high heels go nice with your outfit, put them on! You got it right on the money when you said that you are trying to figure out who you are—that is what teenagers do. Trial and error. Good choices and bad choices. Happy days and sad days. Follow your heart. Make a difference in the world. Be a kindhearted person and a good neighbor. Spend more time focused on what’s inside your heart than on the outside of your body. Follow the golden rule and do unto others as you would do unto them! We think you may get our drift

We feel confident that you have what it takes to make the very best of any situation. Start a journal write down things when you are feeling stressed or out of place. Write down when you accomplished something you didn’t think you could. Journaling your thoughts and feelings is a great way to figure out who you are, what makes you tick and where you see yourself going in the future. Wishing you the best of luck now and in the future. 

Letter #: 415375
Category: Self-Improvement