After losing my mother, I really need a mother figure in my life. How can I cope?

Our empathetic elder has some suggestions — and a word of caution.

Dear EWC

Hello, I lost my mother when I was 12 years old. I am now 19. For most of my teenage years, I’ve lived with the fact that I do not have a mother or any mother figure in my life and I was accepting of it. Now though I have a deep longing for a woman who I can view as a mother and who will love me like I am her son. I know I cannot achieve this kind of relationship. Any advice on how to cope with this longing in my heart would be appreciated.

Granny-Nora replies

I’m so sorry for your loss. The loss of a mother at such a young age must have been devastating. I hope you have good memories that you can cherish.

Do you have living grandmothers who can help fill the role of mother for you? You may also want to consider volunteer work in a senior center or nursing home. Many lonely seniors would probably love to fill that role for you.

I do have one word of caution. As you think about the person you will someday marry, please don’t expect that person to fulfill the role of mother. Your spouse should be your best friend; not your mother. Be careful that you don’t mix up that relationship, as it will probably come back to haunt you. Marriage should be an equal partnership, and the parent/child relationship is anything but equal.

If this problem isn’t easily resolved by a grandmother or senior citizen, would you be open to counseling? Counseling may be able to help you deal with this loss.

Good luck finding a solution. If you have questions or problems in the future, please write to Elder Wisdom Circle.

Letter #: 412811
Category: Family