…and now I want him back! Does he hate me?

Confide in him, says our elder. You can make it through this.

Dear EWC

I am 19 years old and I have an almost two-year-old. I was with my ex for a while until I decided to break up with him yesterday because I thought I was doing what was best for him. He has done everything for my son and I and I turned around and sh*t on him. When I texted him he was in the middle of buying an engagement ring. He is a smoker and I hated it. He bought nicotine patches because he wanted to do better for me and then went to buy a ring. After that he was going to go house hunting. And I broke up with him over a text because I’m bipolar and was in the middle of a meltdown. Now he hates my guts and wants to leave the place where we work together. Is there any way I can do or say something to get him to talk to me again? I don’t know what to do from here. I probably can’t do anything. I thought I was doing what was best but I was just scared. I’ve been left and cheated on in horrible ways and I turn around and do the same to him. I love him and don’t want to lose him but I’m sure I did after all the damage I did last night. I will take any advice you can give me if there’s any to give at all.

Here4U replies

I do not believe that your boyfriend hates you. I think that he still loves you as, after all, he did want to marry you and those types of strong feelings do not just go away overnight. I also believe that you feel the same way about him. I do not think that yours is the type of relationship that should just be given up on. I believe that it is worth fighting for.

Your boyfriend is likely feeling very hurt due to you breaking up with him. He may even be thinking that you took advantage of him as he did so much for you. However, I believe that you will be able to repair your relationship.

I believe it was unfortunate that you broke up with him through a text message, as that probably furthered the impression that you belittled your relationship.

I would suggest that you contact him as soon as possible. I believe that you need to have a long and honest talk with him which should take place in person. First off, I believe that you should apologize for how you handled the break up. Then you need to explain to him why you did it. Let him know that, at that time, you thought you were doing what was best for him; however you did not really want to break up with him.

I also believe that you should confide in him about your past relationships. Let him know that you really were just scared. If he is not already aware that you are bipolar, then tell him and explain that when you broke up with him you were in the middle of meltdown. Express to him how genuinely sorry you are and how much you wish you had not done it and that you two were still together.

I would suggest that at this time you thank him and tell him how grateful you are for all that he has done for you and your son. I believe that you should provide him with specific examples of what you are particularly grateful for as that will reinforce that you do not take his kindness and generosity for granted, but that you are truly appreciative of everything that he has done. Sincerely express to him that you still love him and want a relationship with him and how sorry you are for having made this bad mistake.

After you have explained all of this to him I believe that he will understand and will forgive you. I believe that you two will be able to resume your relationship together. Everyone makes mistakes and you made one, however you do not want to ever make this one again.

I also believe that you two need to come to the agreement that whenever you feel that you are having a particularly bad bipolar episode, you will inform him of it right away. You two should probably not talk at that time as you do not want to say something that you might end up regretting. I believe that it will be beneficial to your relationship if he can develop a better understanding of how you react during those times.

Your boyfriend sounds like he is a good man and that he cares very much for you. He has gone out of his way to quit smoking for you. He bought a ring for you in the hopes that you would marry him and he was looking for a house for your future together. I believe that if he is willing to do all of this that he will be willing to forgive you.

I would suggest that at this time you also work on yourself. If you want to be a good partner to someone else, you will first need to be the best person that you can be to yourself. I believe that you need to know that you worthy and deserving of love. I would also suggest that you get to the root of what you are scared of in a relationship. I think that you need to work on facing the problems in your past relationships so that you can overcome them and move forward without bringing them along with you into this relationship.

I strongly believe that you will be able to mend your relationship. Strong and healthy relationships are based on trust and honesty. I believe that by being open and honest with each other will lead to you having a lasting and successful relationship. Your relationship may even end up being stronger than it was before.

I wish only that you resume a happy and loving relationship together.

Letter #: 439202

Category: Dating/Relationship