I helped my boyfriend shop for an outfit for a family event, but now his sister’s taking over — and I feel hurt.

Our elder suspects there might be more to this than pants…

Dear EWC

I and my boyfriend went out shopping today so I could help him pick out a new outfit for his nephew’s baptism. (He does not know much about fashion so he likes my advice.) We had a fun time at the mall, and I loved helping him match stuff. We finally found an outfit that looked great and I was excited to show his mom and his sister what I picked out for him. Once we got home he modeled the outfit for his sister. (His mom already went to bed.) She said it looked fine but then insisted on buying him better pants and a better shirt. He said he felt fine with it but she kept insisting that the pants were tight and cotton would be better. He finally agreed and they made plans to go back to the mall this weekend. Hearing all of this hurt my feelings. I was so sure she would like the outfit and now I feel like we went shopping for nothing and that my opinion is not valid. Should I talk to my boyfriend about this? I don’t want to make this into a big deal, nor do I want him to think he has to choose between me or his sister. What do I do?

Dayle replies

I’m feeling a little suspicious that your BF’s sister is a bit jealous of you. If your BF was happy with his outfit but didn’t argue with his sister, then it’s probably best to leave this alone. Let her have her way in this, but wait until after the baptism is over, and then talk to him about it. Let him know it hurt your feelings, but you can understand that his sister feels a bit possessive about him. After all, she likely thinks she’s known him longer than you have, knows more about what’s best for him, and maybe a little worried about losing him to you and not being as close to him anymore because of you. Gently let him know that when the two of you decide something together you’d like him to stick up for you. Otherwise, somewhere down the line, he will have to choose between you and his sister, and you don’t want that to happen.

It really isn’t that big a deal, this time! But if you see this is becoming a pattern with his sister, then you may have a problem. Why not talk about it now and get it out of the way in your relationship. And treat his sister with kid gloves as she may want to be the only woman in her brother’s life. You have to show her it’s OK for both of you to be there.

Letter #: 404389
Category: Dating/Relationship