My boyfriend kissed his ex — and she sent me a video! Should I give him another chance?

I think you know the answer to that, says our elder.

Dear EWC

Someone sent me a video of my boyfriend of three years kissing his ex. We have been together since my sophomore of high school while he was a junior. I’ve never had problems with his ex or been the kind of girlfriend who would freak about them. However recently he and I haven’t been on the best terms, and I went to a three-day getaway with my parents. I received a message from one of his exes that he had been cheating on me, and she sent the messages and videos. She was on his lap facing him and they were making out while my boyfriend went along with it. It completely shattered my heart. I sent him the video; however, his explanation was that he intended to push her away. The video was the same week when he told me he was going to see his dad who had been away for a while, and that there was a gathering for his return so he attended too. He said he didn’t know she was there and things just happened. But I know that this was just an excuse.

This isn’t the first time he talked to other girls but this is the first time I have seen him be physical with them, especially his ex, which makes it worse. I want to give him another chance but I also don’t want to. It has completely changed me and I can no longer trust him, other people, or even my friends. I have always had depressive states I go in and I have a feeling I will just make it worse for myself however it hurts me emotionally in a massive way. I can no longer look at myself without having to compare or to look for what I’m missing.

Phil replies

I hope I can give you some help with your problem. Please consider what I have to say. It appears to me that he is cheating on you, maybe more than you know. You only mentioned the times you found out about and there may be many more that you haven’t.

Some people are able to forgive cheaters once, twice or even more. Others believe that straying one time is too many.

The big problem is that it is bothering you so much. You report that you become depressed and feel that you can no longer trust him or even other people. I think you are far past the point of no return.

Actually, I think, and so do you, that you need to break things with him. Allow yourself to return to normalcy without the fear that he is continually cheating on you.

There are many young men who will remain true to you and you only need to find one. Give yourself a break, put him behind you and go forward to a better life. It may hurt for a while but you will never be sorry that you did.

Letter #: 442302
Category: Dating/Relationship