My boyfriend wants me to come with him on a four-wheel driving trip for his birthday. Thing is, I hate it! Do I have to go?

You have my blessing to stay home, says our elder.

Dear EWC

My boyfriend loves four-wheel driving and has the truck to do it. I, on the other hand, am scared s***less about the whole thing. My boyfriend is aware of this, as on many occasions I’ve been with him and I do not like the feeling of going backward when he climbs rocks. This year’s camping trip has now been turned into a four-wheeling trip arranged by him and his sister. It has been made known that I feel uncomfortable with both of them as our last trip driving didn’t go well. I lost my s*** and panicked and wasn’t able to get out of the car when it was too much for me. I am unsure of what to do. I feel if I go on the trip I will not be able to relax and I will be miserable the entire time. This is supposed to be a birthday trip for my boyfriend but I don’t think he has any regards to the way I feel about four-wheel driving and I have told him this, and it is very clear that he does not. He clearly puts four-wheel driving before me. Should I ditch the trip?

CraigJ replies

I would skip it for a number of reasons:
You’re afraid, reasonably so.
You don’t seem to really want to go, especially with the four-wheeling hanging over your head. And if you decide to opt-out of the four-wheeling, you’re probably going to be by yourself for a good part of the day(s).
He seems more interested in four-wheeling than in being with you, which is absolutely OK, but why have you along in the first place? If you want to turn the tables here, ask him to go with you to something you want to do, that he doesn’t care about. See if he’s in.

So, I’m saying pretty much the same thing you said in your letter.
One thing I noticed through the years is that it is perfectly normal and healthy for people to do different things on their own, then come together when it really matters. If one person, or the other, is really not into something, then forget about it. Going ‘just to be together’ really isn’t the case when the activity is something that one person hates. One of my buddies brings his wife golfing every year and she is miserable the whole time, which really can change the dynamics of the day, not in a good way. I say you’re better off just doing what you want.

Letter #: 441547
Category: Dating/Relationship