I’ve been in love with a woman in my town for over 30 years, but she’s happily married. Should I tell her how I feel?
Our elder doesn’t think that is a good strategy.
Dear EWC
I am a 51-year-old divorcée. When I was about 19, I met a girl that I thought was the most beautiful girl I believe I have ever seen, and later on she started dating one of my friends that I hung around with. The more I got to know her, the more I realized I was falling in love with her. She was always really kind to me and we really got along great. To make a long story short, after her and my friend broke up we ended up not seeing as much of each other and when I did, I never had the nerve to tell her how I felt. I have never been able to get over her and remember even when I got married, I was not sure I loved my wife but was positive I still loved her. She is married and has a beautiful family and from what I see, is very happy and I would never want her to change that. I still see her from time to time (I live in a small town). My question is, should I ever tell her how I feel? The reason I ask this is I dreamed the other night that she passed away and I remember how helpless I felt not to have told her the impact she’s had on my life.
Sageworthy replies
It is certainly clear to me that the woman you describe, made a huge impression on you, many years ago. It is not unusual for our early loves to take up a very special place in our hearts… possibly, forever. For me, I have, and always will, think warmly of a relationship I had as a 20-year-old. Some people never leave our psyche. Also, sometimes we tend to idolize people from our more carefree past; thinking perhaps that person might have been “the perfect one”.
All the above being said, I don’t think you should ever tell her how you feel. As you mention, she is married and she seems very happy. I think telling her how you feel, might make her feel uncomfortable. I can certainly understand why your dream would make you feel unsettled. Must have been scary to think that she had passed away.
I wish you the joy of having many kind people in your life; today and always.
Letter #: 449770
Category: Dating/Relationship